Sephiroth: Dead and Loving It
by JusSonic
Summary: Sephiroth comes to Toon Town with the help of a hypnotized Jack Spicer. Now Sora, Dan Helsing and Dan's wife Juniper Lee must stop the Count from taking Ariel, with hilarious results! Sora x Ariel, Danny x June, with bits of Ariel x Sephiroth. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue: Jack Spicer's Arrival

Author's note  
Welcome kiddies! In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I would make...another Halloween fanfiction!

Sora: Huh? Hey, why another one?

June: Right. Already you got a lot in progress and is almost close to finishing the Tales from the Crypt: Third Pig episode!

Me: Right, I know, damn it, I know, but it never stopped me before. Besides, I can get back to the other ones later one. In this parody, it parodied one of Mel Brooks's last films (so to speak) and the one starring Leslie Nielsen himself. I am parodying...

Cartoons: _Dracula: Dead and Loving It_

Me: Right! This story will have one of the most legendary Final Fantasy villains in the main role. Also, this will have some Danny x June parts and is kinda a sequel to Terranova210486's incomplete Dan Helsing story. I hope Terranovs210486 doesn't mind.

June: Gah! I have seen the end to the movie that story is parodying. I am so going to get killed at the end of the story!

Me: Well, who knows? Terranova210486 may surprise us yet. Anyway, time to begin this Mel Brooks hit, whatever you all think so or not! I don't own the characters themselves.

**Prologue: Jack Spicer's Arrival**

**"JusSonic Presents"**

**"In Association With Julayla"**

**"A JusSonic Production"**

We now see the book that has the word 'Sephiroth' on it before seeing the title itself before us.

**"Sephiroth: Dead and Loving It"**

As the book opens up like mad, we see a picture of a bat.

**"George Newbern"**

The next page now shows a man with angelic like wings kissing the most beautiful you could ever see, so to speak.

**"Danny Cooksey"**

Next we see people dancing with a monster, and no, it ain't Joel Schumacher!

**"Haley Joel Osment"**

Next, it shows a bat like creature lifting a peasant woman, either planning to bite into her neck...or rape the hell out of her.

**"Jodi Benson"**

Next, we see another ugly ass bat creature attacking a man while more evil creatures attacked.

**"Mena Suvari"**

We now see one ugly ass bat sitting on the top of a grave looking very hungry at something.

**"Kenneth Mars"**

Now the next scene shows another ugly ass monster (boy, this story is getting a lots of them) looking at a grave.

**"Jim Cummings"**

**"Tress MacNeille"**

**"Dan Castellaneta"**

We now see more pages as we see a king before and death death, as well as a figure too creepy to repeat here.

**"And Eric Roberts and Lara Jill Miller as Dan and June Helsing"**

In the next page, we see a female all naked in covers as someone is watching her. The page after that shows her lying below the same figure.

**"Casting by JusSonic and Julayla"**

**"Costume Designer: Terranova210486"**

Next page shows a jackass of a creature near a woman's chest looking lustful at the female. The book now showed a vampire near a lady's neck.

**_"_Associate Producers: Neros Urameshi and Wormtail96"**

The next page shows a creature near someone.

**"Original Music by Hummie Mann"**

Another page shows...George Lucas holding Indiana Jones while Steven Spielberg is raping him?! How the hell did that get there?!

**"Film Editor: JusSonic"**

Anyway we luckily go to another page with a lady going towards a portrait.

**"Production Designer: Anonymous But Interested"**

We see a naked man that has an owl on top of him, glancing at something.

**"Director of Photography: Papa T 41"**

We now see a page of a woman lying down with animals watching.

**"Executive Producer: Julayla"**

An old figure is seen on the next page deteriorating (whatever the hell that is).

**"Original Story by Rude DeLuca & Steve Haberman"**

We now see a corpse on the next page.

**"Screenplay by Darth Ben Valor, acosta jose ramiro, and nobodiez"**

We see a spooky castle on a page before the last and final page shows a corpse on it.

**"Produced and Directed by JusSonic"**

**--**

**"Toonsylvania 2008"**

Now, our story coulda begin in Transylvania as seen in the Dan Helsing story but not in this story! The beginning of this parody begins in Toonsylvania where the monsters still roam and villagers fear and fight for their lives. Despite being spooky, it is daytime right now but it looks like it is about nighttime any moment now!  
A carriage is going through the land going somewhere as inside a couple named Chuckie Finster and Angelica Pickles Finster are looking at a man sitting across from them. He is a teenage boy with spiky, red hair and he had a painted on scar under his eye. He wore yellow goggles, a black trench coat, black trousers, and black and gold boots. His name is Jack Spicer, the Evil Boy Genius and one hell of a real estate man coming to Toonsylvania on a mission.  
The three didn't seem to speak for a while until Jack decided to break the ice as he said, "Damnh, I feel like we're so close, I can't contain myself! My name is Jack Spicer, an evil boy genius from Toon Town, somewhere in England!"  
"Oh, English eh? My wife and I love the English, right Angie?" Chuckie asked his wife with a grin.  
"Yeah, yeah. And if that dumbass tickled though, I'd kick his ass out of the carriage." Angelica scowled while rolling her eyes.  
"Sorry. My wife has a bad experience."  
"Jesus, I got to say that I am not comfortable with these Toonsylvania roads." said Jack as he yelps as the carriage hits some bumps. "I got a relative who lives in Transylvania who is used to this crap who shares the same name I do. Haven't heard from him in months. God, I feel like throwing up!"  
"Oh, you want the carriage to slow down? Sure!" Chuckie then sticks his head out out a window as he is about to speak to the driver, "Hey driver! Can..."  
The man then yelps in horror as he sees something: the sun is about to set and in Toonyslvania, that could mean only one thing...  
"Oh crap! The sun is setting!" Chuckie screamed to the driver in alarm. "Get to the village before dark! Quick, Tweek, quick!"  
"Gah!" screamed Tweek in horror as he sees the sun setting as well, "Oh Jesus, too much pressure!" The driver whips the horses as he screams, "Faster, damn it, faster!"  
The horses go faster as the carriage does the same thing. Jack meanwhile was bumped all over the inside looking confused. He wanted the thing to go slower, not faster!  
"Hold on to something!" screamed Chuckie to Jack as he hold onto a railing, the same as his wife.  
"Better listen, pal!" agreed Angelica in concern.  
"Hey, have you come mad?!" exclaimed Jack in alarm. What the hell is going on here and why the frig are these people holding onto the sides like mad?  
"Hold on anyway!" Chuckie warned Jack again. The Evil Boy Genius tried to do as the man said as he grabs a railing, only for the thing to break off in the progress. He grabs for the other but it broke off as well.  
"Damn, these carriages aren't what they used to!"  
The carriage, during the mad ride, hit a curve sending Jack flying into the couple. This got him a punch in the face by an annoyed Angelica while she and Chucklie grunt and struggled. Jack recovered and try to grab onto one of the railings the couple is holding but was shoved back.  
"After colliding with me, grab your own damned railing, asshole!" snapped Angelica in annoyance.  
"Fine, whatever!" groaned Jack as he crashed back into his seat. As the carriage goes faster, the solicitor peeks out the window in hopes to speak reason to the driver. "Hey, freak boy! Mind slowing it up a bit!"  
"Gah! Yeah! Too much pressure! Monsters! Gah!!" screamed Tweek to Jack as he only made the horses and carriage go faster like hell! The carriage has got to get to the village before dark or they are screwed!  
Jack goes crashing into his seat making him snapped sarcastically, "Thanks! Crazy driver."

The carriage has approached the local village as it crush a skull along the way, not caring or respecting the dead. In Toonsylvania, you're better off respecting the living! Soon the wild ride came to a complete stop in the village itself.  
Jack only have time to sigh in relief before the door was opened causing the fool to fall out of the thing with a yelp, landing the ground right on his front. The solicitor got up as the villagers approach wondering what the hell is going on.  
"Thanks." groaned Jack as he looks and saw Tweek, relieved to reach the village safe and sound (so to speak), and is about to take the Evil Boy Genius's luggage off, "Oh, hey driver. Don't bother taking my luggage down. I'm heading to Bongo Pass tonight."  
"Gah! Are you crazy?!" yelped Tweek as he just throws the boy's luggage to the ground much to Jack's surprise and shock.  
"Hey, what are you doing?!"  
"Too dark, no way in hell am I going any further! You're walking from now on, freakshow! Good luck in hell! Gah!"  
With that, Tweek made the carriage ride off too fast, you think the devil was after him. Jack couldn't believe this! His ride to the place he needed to go to is gone. Now he has to walk.  
"Wait, are you going on tonight?" asked the village elder named Rabbit looking scared for some reason.  
"Well, yeah! I'm heading to the castle, duh!" said Jack. He looks puzzled as the villagers gasped in fear upon hearing the 'castle' part.  
"Sheduled?" yelped the villagers in fear. Something has them all shaken for some reason. Then again, in Toonsylvania, that is common, right?  
"Uh, yeah. I'm scheduled to meet Count Sephiroth."  
This made the villages gasped in horror some more as Li Showron asked, "Sephiroth?!"  
"Sephiroth?!" gasped a woman named Giselle in terror.  
"Sephiroth?!" gasped another woman named Jeri Katou, scared as the others.  
"Scheduled?" asked a dumbass named Fred Fredburger in confusion. "What's that? Oh, do you get nachos with that??"  
"Uh, no. Anyway, I got the business with the Count." said Jack confused. Why are these villagers acting scared anyway?  
"No, you cannot do, no matter what!" said Rabbit in concern. He cannot go! Sephiroth would...  
"Okay, why not? You pansy-asses scared of the dark?"  
"It isn't the dark we're scared of! We people at the mountains believe that...vampires live in the castle."  
A howling is heard making some the villagers yelp in fear. This vampire thing has really got them scared and spooked as hell!  
"Wait, vampires?" asked Jack in disbelief.  
"Yes, they are the undead, rising from their coffins at night." said Rabbit scared. You can even see it on his face!  
"Yes..." said a voice. The villagers turned and see some sort of woman coming forward. She is Elphaba, the village gypsy/witch and the most respected one in the village. If someone knows how to deal with stuff like the undead and such, she is the one that knows all (or something like that).  
"Yes...they like to take the forms of anything like bats, wolves, and crazy-ass rock stars. They tongue the victims of their throats with their teeth. And drink their blooooood." The witch said as he 'rolls' her throat a bit to make the blood part sound weird.  
"Oh come on. That is only pure legends and such. The last vampire is supposed to have die out when the fugitive monster hunter has disappeared!" insisted Jack though he looks uneasy upon hearing this.  
"No! Elphaba is right!" insisted Rabbit in concern. When Elphaba is right, you better believe that she's right, damn it!  
"Please...take this cross." said Elphaba holding off some sort of cross to the Evil Boy Genius in concern.  
"No way! I'm fine." said Jack pushing the cross away.  
"I insist! Take the cross, its holy love and spirit goodness will shield you from the lurking..." Elphaba 'rolls' her throat again as she continued, "dangeeeeer.'  
"I said no."  
"Goddamn it, take the cross!" snapped Elphaba, pissed off, as she slapped the cross into the startled Evil Boy Genius's hand. "That will be 15 coins."  
"Greedy bitchy witch." mumbled Jack as she pays Elphaba the amount just so she would go away already.  
"Thank yoooooou." said Elphaba as she 'rolls' her throat again while making her departure, going into a house. The villagers turned to Jack but turned back briefly as they heard her 'ooooooooo' inside the house.  
"Crazy lady. Well, if I gotta be off, I'm going to walk to the castle." said Jack with a shrug as he picks up his bags and begins to head off.  
"Wait, don't go, I beg of you!" said Rabbit terrified as is the other villagers. Jack has no idea of the danger or such he will get himself into!  
"Sorry, I must. I am expected, rabbit ears." Jack said turning to the villagers briefly. He then tip his goggles somehow as he said, "Well, see ya, losers!"  
The solicitor then heads off on his visit to the castle, unaware of what's in store once he gets there.

Author's note  
Ha ha ha! Man, I have waited a long time to work on this!!

Jack: (dryly) Oh yeah. We know how long.

Danny: I see you made some references to Dan Helsing, since it explains how there is a Jack Spicer in this parody and another one in the _Van Helsing_ parody.

Me: Yep! I hope the author of said story won't mind me making this a sorta sequel to the parody. Oh, the George Lucas and Steven Spielberg raping Indiana Jones is a reference to the new _South Park_ episode.

June: Ick! We know!

Me: That's all for now, but more should come hopefully and I should get my other stories, including Digimon Rider, continued ASAP. Until then, read, review, and suggest!


	2. Chapter 1: Count Sephiroth

Author's note  
All righty, I am so back into this parody! Sorry if I kept you guys waiting. Good suggestions, ABI, and I hope you get some more thanks to the clips I have given you.

As for your suggestion, Essteka, I will need time to think about that one.

To answer your question, airnaruto45, it is a parody of the Mel Brooks parody, don't forget that.

For people who wanted to know, the Rabbit shown in the previous chapter is from the Winnie the Pooh franchise. Any more questions? Good.

Glad to see that you're liking the parody, Terranova210486. Hell, I can't wait to see more reviews from ya and see Dan Helsing get updated ASAP. I will put in Bigweld, Double D, and Molly (which Molly is it again), but only as cameos, okay?

Iron Mantis, I will continue my Horton Hears A Who parody when I can.

**Chapter 1: Count Sephiroth**

Jack Spicer had walked a lot of miles ignoring every noise and such as he headed to the castle but soon he arrived at his destination: a creepy looking place on top of the hills somewhere. The Evil Boy Genius doesn't know why the villagers are being just pussies. Vampires? Please!  
The solicitor yelps as, while approaching the front door, he sees a statue of a woman attacked by some sort of monster. He has no idea what that means but he damn hoped that it doesn't happen to him. Jack Spicer went to the door knocker and tries to use it to knock, only for him to pull the goddamn thing off.  
"Aw, crap. Must be left over from a different parody." groaned Jack as the knocker fell apart and crumbled into dust in his hands.  
The Evil Boy Genius looks up as the door opens up allowing him inside though slowly. The front hall Jack has entered is even more creepier than the outside. Creepy.  
"Hello?" asked Jack putting his luggage down by the stairs while looking around. "Count Sephiroth? You about?" Suddenly the door behind him close suddenly making the boy scream like a frigging girl. He yelped as Jack tried to reopen the thing but to no prevail. "Oh son of a bitch! What's next?"  
Unknown to Jack, a figure arrives at the top of the stairs and stop as he glances at the arriving Jack. Suddenly his shadow seems to have come to life and creeps towards the unsuspecting solicitor as if about to attack him.  
Suddenly the figure yells something at the shadow in Romanian stopping it before the thing could attack Jack. The boy looks confused while the shadow retract to its owner.  
"What the hell?" Jack asked as he turns and sees the figure much to his relief. The figure is a man with silver hair that looks big with blue eyes. He wore a black suit with a belt to hold his sword, some armor, black gloves, and black boots. "Oh, thank god. Hey uh…my name is Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius and a solicitor from Town Town, somewhere in England. Uh...I'm here to see...Count Sephiroth?  
The count, obviously Sephiroth, just smirks confirming his identify. Just then a bat appears and flies around Jack causing the boy to scream like a damn girl as he tried to swat it away. Soon the thing flies away.  
"Children of the night, what a mess they make." said Sephiroth in amusement as he nods towards the bat guano the bat has dropped upon its departure. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Count..."  
As the man walks down the stairs however, he accidentally stepped on the guano causing himself to slip and fell down the stairs hitting each step like mad until he landed straight up near Jack Spicer. The man is okay though he looks embarrassed.  
"Ugh. Third time this week I step on this disgusting thing. How Batman keeps his batcave clean, I'll never know. Ahem, Sephiroth." said the count trying to keep his dignity.  
"Oh Jesus. You okay? You look like you would break your neck!" said Jack in concern.  
"Aw, screw that. It takes more than that to hurt me. Come, follow me."  
Sephiroth picks up Jack's luggage and walk up the stairs as Jack followed the man. Unknown to them, the count's shadow seems to have disappeared. That is until the said thing got up from the shadow ground and groans in pain while holding its head and back as the thing follows the two slowly.  
The two reach the top of the stairs where, to his confusion, Sephiroth goes right through some spider webs without trouble in the hall.  
"The hell?" asked Jack confused. How did he do that?  
"Come, Jack." said Sephiroth as he kept on going.  
Jack shrugs as he goes up to the web, expecting to do the same thing, except the bastard ended up hitting the thing and getting struck. He tried to escape but only ended up getting tangled up more in the web.  
"Goddamn it!" yelled Jack as he tries to get inside freed.  
"Jack, stop struggling!" Sephiroth called out to the Evil Boy Genius in annoyance.  
The solicitor groan out, "This is a lot of webbing. Who did you hire to be your decorator, Spider-Man?"  
Sephiroth answered, "Venom, actually. You know, the alien-symbiote-powered lunatic with all of Spider-Man's abilities and none of his morals."  
The two find a room in the castle where Jack will stay the night while at the castle. The boy has finally got the web off of himself as he said, "Sorry about the wait. Really frigging embarrassing. Hell, I thought I saw you go through the giant web and figure I would too. Then I thought I should go the other way but it's attached to all sides like..."  
"Jack...I don't give a damn." said Sephiroth with a sigh and reach up...to remove his hair? The count was wearing a hair wig this whole time! His hair is smaller and real. Once Sephiroth put his hair wig on a rack nearby, he continued, "Well, if you got the deed on yourself, time we talk about the purchase of Carafax Abbey, shall we?"  
"Oh right. Got the papers right here."  
"Good, very good."  
Jack picks up one luggage that should hold the papers as he said, "Okay then." Sephiroth patted a chair on a table nearby and motions the Evil Boy Genius to sit in it, which Jack did. The solicitor coughs a bit as he said, "Isn't this table and chair dusty?"  
"I like it that way." said Sephiroth with a grin.  
"You will find it more dusty at Carafax Abbey."  
"Even better! Tell me, Jack, I find your name familiar. Do you got any relatives?"  
"I got one who got the same name I do in Transylvania who I haven't heard from in months, but now is now the time." Jack explained. He opens the case and got the papers that are important in the business with the count out, placing down here. Getting a pen out, he gave it to the count as he points to each paper saying, "Okay, sign here, here, and here."  
The count signs each paper which should give him legal right and ownership of Carafax Abbey. Sephiroth grins madly. The time is almost right.  
"Well, congratulations, Count Sephiroth, you are now the owner of Carafax Abbey. Here's a paper for you and one for me." Jack said as he gave a copy of the ownership paper to the count while getting another for himself. As the solicitor puts the paper on top of the case, he yelps in alarm while holding a finger. "Aw, damn it!"  
"What's the matter?" asked Sephiroth.  
"Crap, I got a paper cut." groaned Jack holding the said finger. The Evil Boy Genius yelps as some blood squirt out of his finger. "Damn it."  
Sephiroth looks shocked as some of the blood hits the paper. For some reason, the count begins to drool and pant like mad as some weird looking teeth came out of his mouth. The sight of blood is too great to resist.  
"Hold on, I think I got a napkin." said Jack open his trench coat to look for the said napkin. However this ends up getting blood strains on himself and the shirt he's wearing underneath causing Sephiroth, unknowingly to the Evil Boy Genius, to begin smacking his lips.  
"Damn it, how stupid of me." groaned Jack as he finally got the napkin he was lookking for out in hopes to bandaged the wound which squirts out blood like mad, "Oh Jesus! This paper cut is worse than I thought! Must've hit a vessel."  
The count smacked his lips like mad as well and watched as Jack bandaged his wound. It looks like Sephiroth couldn't hold himself any longer. But when the Evil Boy Genius turns to look at him once he is done bandaging the paper cut finger, the count stopped and chuckled sheepishly.  
For this reason, Jack begins to feel a lot more nervous.

"Angelica, you think that guy will be alright?" Chuckie asks his wife as they get ready to spend the night at the town's inn.  
"No idea; he already looks like a living dead with that pale skin of his and the dark clothing. If I didn't know best, I would think he already was a vampire." Angelica says at taking a cross out of her pocket. "But he didn't even feel bad with me carrying this, so guess he was just a creep or a Marilyn Manson's fan."  
"Probably," Chuckie replies while putting on some garlic and another cross on their room's window. "Okay, we're safe now. So, what do you want to do tonight?"  
"Same thing we do every night, Chuckie." Angelica grinned at her man.  
"Trying to take over...nah, too cliché. Besides, you're my world." Chuckie smiled fondly at the blonde and a moment later they started M-rated action that doesn't have to do with the story so we're moving to next scene.

Late at night, Jack was sleeping in bed trying to forget the weirdness of what happened earlier. As he does, the door opens up as two figures, a 16 year old girl named Lilo and a 17 year old rabbit named Cream entered the room. Music that sounds angelic (or goddamn demonic) played as Lilo takes the bed post and Cream takes the table.  
"Wow. How nice..." said Jack mumbling as he opens his eyes a bit before lying down once more. Suddenly he woke up in alarm and yelp upon seeing the two girls. To his surprise, Lilo and Cream begins gasping and moaning like sex crazy girls wanting to screw someone while wanting to get closer to him. "What the hell?! What are you two doing to the furniture?!"  
Lilo and Cream took their gowns off and went closer to the boy making him nervous as Jack asked, "What are you doing? What is this?! Who are you, girls of pre-selected eternal age?!" The boy yelps as Lilo seems to be 'playing' with his knee. "Hey, bitch! That's my knee you're holding, okay?!"  
The two smirks devilishly as they begin their evil deed: trying to hump Jack to death. The boy yelps as he yelled, "Stop right now! This is wrong, you hear me?! Wrong, goddamn it! This is..." Soon the boy looks at the girls then gave a devilish smirk as they tease and kiss him while rubbing his balls. Jack couldn't resist anymore. He gasped and panted sensually and erotically while screaming, "Oh hell! Wrong me, wrong me! Wrong my frigging brains out! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"  
Unknown to the three in the bed, Sephiroth was just passing by on his walk going by the bedroom. That is until he stopped and came back looking shocked at what is going on in the said room. The count yelled something to Lilo and Cream in Romanian causing them to stop and hissing at their master.  
"Get off of him, you two, now!" ordered Sephiroth in annoyance as Lilo and Cream reluctantly got off of Jack, putting their gowns on before going in front of Sephiroth, "What the hell do you two think you're doing?! You think this makes me proud of you two?! Besides, you two are lesbians and you both know it! Now go while I make him my slave."  
Lilo and Cream nodded as they headed towards the door slowly while the same music begins to play. But then Sephiroth yelled, "And stop that!" The music stops playing as Lilo and Cream headed out the door normally.  
Sephiroth approached the bed as Jack, freaked out by what just happened, hides under the cover. He chuckled in amusement. This guy is definitely like his relative by all means.  
"Mr. Spicer?" asked Sephiroth causing Jack to peek out of the covers. "You all right? You were having a nightmare, my friend."  
"Oh hell. A nightmare?" asked Jack in disbelief while getting off the covers in concern. "It was so real, two girls around my age grinding and heaving, wanting to screw my brains out. It was...how to describe it? Uh...have you ever been to the Drawn Together House?"  
"Maybe." said Sephiroth grinning as he motioned the boy to get out of bed which he did. "You look like you are unable to sleep, my friend, maybe I can show you an old Toonsylvanian way of relaxation. Look into my eyes." The count's eyes begin to glow as Jack's eyes started to get more duller than usual. "Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are feel..."  
Sephiroth was interrupted as Jack held his head down and fell asleep and snoring. The count looks disbelief.  
"Uh, Jack? You fell asleep too soon, I still got a lot to tell you. Wake up." said Sephiroth as he slapped Jack waking the boy up and gave the count his full attention again. "Ahem. You are feeling drowsy."  
However Jack's head fell down as he went to sleep...again. The count rolls his eyes in annoyance as he mumbled, "This guy is an easier dumbass than I thought."  
With a frown, Sephiroth grabs Jack and shakes his awake snapping, "Jack Spicer, damn it, forget about sleeping and listen up!!" The Evil Boy Genius did so as the count's eyes glow some more, making the Evil Boy Genius even more hypnotized. "Anyway, from now on, you will hear my voice only and you are my slave until my demise. You will sacrifice what it takes for my safely. In return, I will give you lives, but not the big ones, insects. Flies, spiders, and such. I have chartered a ship to take us both to England and we will leave tomorrow evening. Your task is to make sure my coffin is safe at all times. Do you understand?"  
Jack, now under full control of the vampire Count Sephiroth, smirks madly as he exclaimed, "Yes, Master..."

Author's note  
Yikes, Jack is under his spell. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Jack: (annoyed) Hey, screw you!

Me: Oh, and don't give me the lip about Lilo and Cream playing the vampires humping Jack. I assured you that they are in their teen, so don't call me a pervert! Anyway, I used two suggestions from acosta and one from ABI so there should be more on the way. Read, review, and suggest, folks!


	3. Chapter 2: The First Bite

Author's note  
You're welcome, acosta. Nice suggestions, I can use the Danny and June one as an extra scene though (since obviously Ariel will be the one getting too damn 'friendly' with Sora). For those who wonder why I have Lilo and Cream as the vampires, well, I thought it would be funny and 'interesting'. Plus, they are teens in this, how can you not know what they do when they are grown up?

Time for some more major players to show up.

**Chapter 2: The First Bite**

On the good ship the _S.S. Minnow_, the crew and their passengers are almost done with their 3 hour tour as they are heading back to England going through a storm doing so. They are unaware of the extra passenger lying in the cargo hold.  
In the said place itself, a coffin is in place as the whole room begins to rock due to the storm. The rope that the coffin is held to was holding it but soon it broke off. As a result, this caused the coffin itself to slide to the other side and hits a wall. There is a grunt in there that sounded familiar. It's because the vampire Count Sephiroth himself is inside the thing, hiding!  
The goddamn ship tipped away causing the coffin to slid again, hitting another part of the ship caused Sephiroth to yelp some more. As the coffin slides again, thye count cried out, "Jack Spicer!"  
The count yelps as his coffin with him inside it hits another part. The doors to the cargo hold opens up as Jack appear chuckling very madly than usual. He hears his master yelling inside the sliding coffin, "Jack Spicer!'  
"I'm coming, Master!" exclaimed Jack as he runs over to the coffin as it hits the other wall, trying to catch it. "Don't worry, I'm here. I will help ya."  
Unfortunately the coffin slides once more hitting the other wall as did the Evil Boy Genius making both Sephiroth and Jack grunt some more. The asshole climbed up to the coffin but that proves to be stupid as both slides once more hitting the other side.  
Jack commented, "I'd bring my Jackbots in here to help me hold the coffin still if it weren't for the fact it would ruin the script." The servant grabs the coffin tightly exclaiming, "Gotcha now, master!"  
The boy caught on some rope forcing him to let go of the coffin and causing himself to fall to the room while the coffin hits yet another side. In alarm, Jack got up and runs over to tie the coffin down securely. The former solicitor then gets a flashlight and opens the coffin revealing a groaning and an annoyed Sephiroth inside.  
"Master, you all right?" asked Jack hopefully to his master.  
"Goddamn, son of a bitch, that's the last time I booked a boat that goes on a 3 hour tour." groaned Sephiroth in annoyance blinking a bit as he got up.  
"You don't look well and you looked dried out. Fluids?" asked the Evil Boy Genius holding up a pack of blood.  
"Yes, I agree." said Sephiroth pushing the pack of blood aside. "I think I will start with Gilligan."  
The evil vampire turns the flashlight off causing the room to go black.

Back at the castle, Lilo and Cream are talking out of character, as the girl admit, "Yeah, I know the femme-fatale stuff isn't our usual style, but I DO need the practice for my role in JusSonic's 'Silent Movie' parody. Besides, this is the first opportunity I've had to play an actual vampire."  
Cream asks, "Speaking of JusSonic's 'Silent Movie' parody, why would he cast YOU as Vilma instead of Angel, anyway? I mean, the role seems closer to Angel's personality than yours and the whole 'femme fatale hired by the villains to seduce the hero only to develop real feelings for him' stuff sounds like it would be a good reference to how Angel first met Stitch in your actual series."  
Lilo points out, "One: JusSonic; while not adverse to pairing Stitch with Angel once in a while; still prefers pairing me with him, when he's not pairing me with either Li or you (though the last one only in PG-13 fare like this). Two: Angel as Vilma would just be much too obvious."  
Okay, that's enough. Back to the real story at hand.

In the newspaper a while later, it shows a picture of a wrecked ship near the harbor as the title said 'Toon Town, somewhere in England, Enterprises: Corpses of the Skipper Found on Empty Vessel, along with the Millionaire and His Wife, the Movie Star, and The Rest. Only Survivor a Raving Maniac'. Obviously Sephiroth has done his evil work feeding on the crew and the other passengers while Jack has been deem insane and locked up.

**"Toon Town, somewhere in England"**

At a building somewhere in Toon Town, somewhere in England, an opera is being performed as mentioned via on a poster on the 'Toon Town, somewhere in England, Theater' billboard along with the word 'Faust'. Lots have come to this play to be entertained, unaware of a new visitor.  
Inside the theater, the audience was watching the opera along with three figures sitting in a box booth. One of the figures is a brown haired woman with blue eyes. She wears a red jacket, pink dress, brown shoes, and a bracelet. She also has her hair braided and wears a pink bow on her braid with a green gem called Materia. Her name is Aerith Gainsborough.  
Another of the figures is a twenty three years old girl with long red hair, crowning her pretty head, matched her bright red lips. Her shirt was yellow and her shorts were green while her sandals were aqua green. Her warm and happy eyes were bright blue. Her name is Ariel Triton, Aerith's friend ever since the latter became the ward of Ariel's father.  
The last figure is a well-built fifteen-year-old human boy, and he had blondish brown spiky hair, blue eyes, and necklace. He was wearing black fingerless gloves, a black short-sleeved jacket with a hood with dark gray shoulder guards over what looked like a midnight blue shirt with red hoody-like pockets on the front of his shirt, along with a black belt, and big black baggy yet short pants, and big yellow and black shoes. The big pockets on his pants were red. There were also two yellow intersecting diagonal straps across his lower body. His name is Sora Strife, holder of the Keyblade and Ariel's fiancée who is the assistant to Ariel's father, a well known owner and doctor at the Toon Town, somewhere in England, Asylum.  
"Ah. I love the opera, it makes me so happy, don't you agree?" Ariel giggled to her fiancée happily.  
"Oh yeah, the opera is astonishing." Sora said in agreement. Of course, operas always bored him but if it makes Ariel happy for him to come, then why not? "The music has love, hate, sensuality, and unbridled passion! All the things in my life I have to withhold until later."  
"Wait until after our marriage, my love."  
"Just then someone came into the box booth making Sora stand up a bit. This someone is an old man that had a trident, a white beard, and fine clothes. His name is Dr. Triton, Ariel's father and Sora's boss.  
"Please pardon my tardiness everyone." Triton apologized as he came into the box booth.  
"Thank goodness, we were worried." Ariel said happily to her father as he kissed her hand.  
"Please sit, sit." Triton instructed Sora as the boy sat down again. "I was detained at my asylum. This most insane excuse for a lunatic was brought in today. He was the only one found alive on that tour vessel that just came into the empty harbor. Amazing confusing! I haven't seen anything like it."  
"In your profession, sir, it isn't obvious." said Sora with a chuckle.

A usher named Kuki Sanban spotted someone coming up to her as she asked happily, "Hi! May I help you, sir?"  
"Yes, you can." said Sephiroth with a smirk, once again wearing his hair wig. He motioned to a box saying, "Dr. Triton is in the next box. What I have to say to him is very frigging important and it's best that I do so...alone." The count's eyes suddenly glow as Kuki looks blankly, following under his spell. "Please tell him that there is a message for him in the lobby."  
"A message for Dr. Triton in the lobby." said Kuki blankly.  
"Very good, now go."  
"Message for Dr. Triton in the lobby." said Kuki blankly some more as she heads to the box, going near the curtain.  
"Oh, and you will remember nothing of what I tell you." Sephiroth added making Kuki nodded in obedience.  
The usher then opens the curtain to the box making Dr. Triton and his group to turn to look at her. They waited to see what she wants. All Kuki did was look confused and wondering what the hell is going on. Finally, she closed the curtain much to the puzzlement of the ones in the box.  
"How weird." said Dr. Triton turning his attention to the opera once more.  
Kuki then smiles as she return to the hall and walks up to Sephiroth, looking shocked and disbelief, while saying, "Hi! May I help you, sir?"  
"'May I help you, sir'?" Sephiroth asked mimicking what the girl just said all pissed off. He then snapped angrily, "You stupid bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?! What didn't you tell him?!"  
"Uh...about what?"  
"The message, goddamn it!!"  
"For whom?" asked Kuki happily willing to listen for the message.  
"Oh, screw that. I will tell him myself!" snapped Sephiroth angrily as he heads to the box. "Oh, and for your miserable performance, you can forget about the tip!"  
"No tip?!"  
"Oh, THAT you will remember," Sephiroth snapped angrily at Kuki some more. The count heads to the box as he comment, "Some people take commands like 'You will forget everything' a little TOO literally."  
The count opens the curtain and closes it as he goes into the box booth, getting the attention of the group who looks at their new visitor. Sephiroth clears his throat as he asked, "Excuse me, are you Dr. Triton whose cemetery is evicted?"  
"Why yes, I am." Dr. Triton said puzzled.  
"I have recently purchase Carafax Abbey and I heard that it is part of your grounds."  
"That is correct, who are you?"  
Sephiroth chuckled sheepishly as he said, "Oh yes. How silly of me. I was so well renowned back where I came from that I forget to introduce myself sometime. My name is..."  
Sephiroth is suddenly interrupted as the curtain opens up revealing Kuki who blankly said, "Dr. Triton. There is a message for you in the lobby." The count looks shocked at the usher who suddenly remembers what he himself has told her to forget...and that Kuki went and interrupted what he was going to say! Damn her!  
"Oh drat. Uh...excuse me, got to see what this is about." Dr. Triton apologized as he got up from his seat and leaves the box booth, preparing to see what the message, unaware that he is listening to it right now.  
"My name is Count Sephi..." The count was cut off as the curtain close in his face, pissing him off further. "...roth. Bastard."  
"Uh, ahem. Sorry about that. I know how you feel, I get interrupted when things like that happen." Sora apologized as he stood up to greet Sephiroth. "My name is Sora Strife, Dr. Triton's assistant. This is Aerith Gainsborough and this lovely red haired girl over here is my fiancée and Dr. Triton's daughter, Ariel."  
Sephiroth sees Ariel and grins lovingly to her. Wow, she is so damn hot, even for a mortal. It reminds him so much of his last wife.  
"Ah, Count Sephiroth." Ariel said to Sephiroth smiling at him. "It would be nice to see lights burning through those dark windows in Carafax Abbey again. That place is so dusty but I'm sure you're used to it."  
"I got to say, it feels like we work together before." Sephiroth said in thought, "Perhaps in some sort of Kingdom Hearts parody, yes?"  
"With me in the Kairi role and you in the Riku role, while Sora is still in his role, I am not surprised."  
"That abbey reminds me of that old toast." Aerith said with a smile, "In other words, lofty timbers. The walls around are bare, echoing to our laughter. And so the dead were there."  
"My, I like how you think, my dear." Sephiroth said to Aerith with a chuckle. "I always love that kinda subject. Perhaps we should get together and have a discussion, a long one that is."  
"Oh bother. I figure Sephiroth is a creep here as he once was in the original KH: Crossover Style fic." said Sora rolling his eyes in annoyance.  
"Sora, please," Ariel said as if saying 'stick to the frigging script'.  
"I hate to cut this short but I got business elsewhere." said Sephiroth gently as Aerith held her hand out, expecting Sephiroth to kiss it, which it looks like he is about to. However, he stops as it looks like the count is staring at something all of the sudden.  
"Uh, Count Sephiroth?" asked Aerith in concern, wondering what the count is looking at.  
"Forgive me, my dear, but you have...such a lovely ursipiting ability."  
"What do you mean?"  
"This." said Sephiroth pointing to her neck. Aerith chuckled and blush a bit while holding her neck. To her, it seems like the count meant that she has a nice neck to kiss. Too bad it means the other way around. "Now I must go."  
The count takes Ariel's hand and kissed it. Sora doesn't mind as he presumes this means Sephiroth was being a gentleman. When that's done, the count leaves the box booth.  
"Hmmm...I know this is going to sound odd coming from me but there's something...otherworldly about that man. He gave me the shivers." said Ariel in concern. She doesn't know why Sephiroth give her shivers, he just does.  
"Oh yes, the same here." agreed Aerith with a happy sight while using a fan to fan herself. The three resumed watching the opera as the girl kept thinking about the 'long discussion' Sephiroth promised to have with her.

Dr. Triton owns a mansion which is near the asylum where he works at. Carafax Abbey, the same place that Sephiroth has bought from the now insane Jack Spicer, is right across it. It is also where Aerith and Ariel live, along with Sora who sleeps in another room until he and Ariel are married.  
Aerith meanwhile is in her nightgown under a robe ready to go to bed for the night, though it looks difficult to do so as she kept thinking about Sephiroth and his 'long discussion'. She opens a curtain and looks out at the glowing window in the abbey itself.  
"Oh Sephiroth...I wonder if we're going to have that long talk right about now." said Aerith while taking her robe off revealing the night robe underneath about to head to bed. She stops as she noticed something happening at the abbey. It's Sephiroth, coming out of a door on his balcony.  
The girl opens the window and sees Sephiroth looking at her. Aerith sighs and turns back, though she peeks to see if the count is watching. The robe slips off of her while Sephiroth watch. Next the woman shows her pantyhose leg and removes it like some sort of a prostitute. Aerith giggles before heading off to bed to get some sleep.  
Sephiroth decide now is the time to put his plan into fruition. Raising his arms, the vampire turns into a giant black bat and begins flying over to Aerith's window, preparing to stop for a 'bite'.  
However in her bedroom, the night air is beginning to get to the girl as Aerith shivered a bit. Without looking, the unsuspecting victim closes the window all the way. Sephiroth screams in alarm as he couldn't stop in time resulting in the vampire bat to hit the window, causing him to fall to the ground below.  
The noise cause Aerith to wake up and looks around, damn confused. Of course, the girl sigh before going back to sleep. Unknown to her, the window opens up as Sephiroth, back to normal, climbs up grunting and panting while doing so, finally entering the bedroom.  
"Son of a bitch, I swear if I didn't have to go through all this asshole of a problem..." said Sephiroth in annoyance. He goes over to Aerith with an evil grin and gets ready. He leans down ready to bite her...  
Suddenly a knock came to the door interrupted what Sephiroth is about to do. The door opens up as Dr. Triton and Sora came into the room, the doctor turning the light on suddenly. This woke Aerith up with a start but the count, unknown to the three in the room, is nowhere to be found for some reason.  
"Sorry to wake you, my dear." Dr. Triton apologized in concern.  
"Dr. Triton. Sora," Aerith yelped as she covers herself with her blanket to keep Sora from seeing her in her night robe. "I was sleeping. Honest."  
"Yes, we know, but we heard a noise coming from the bushes below your windows. We suspect there may be a prowler about."  
"I hope you don't mind but we're going to check your room just in case, okay?" Sora insisted.  
"Oh, right. Go ahead." said Aerith as the two men begins searching the room for the possible prowler. The assistant looks out the window before closing it.  
"Nothing out there," Sora confirmed with a nod.  
"Nor under here either." said Dr. Triton after checking under the bed. "Well, I'm relieved. No danger here whatsoever, thank God."  
The two, thinking that all is well, prepares to leave. But have any of them look up before doing so, they woulda seen Sephiroth clutching onto the ceiling tightly. The vampire is goddamn lucky he managed to get up there in time! Sephiroth quietly comment, "Another trick I have to thank Venom for teaching me."  
"Sorry about waking you up, dear. We have searched all over the room and no forced entry whatsoever. Good night." said Dr. Triton as he and Sora is about to leave the room.  
"Right. Goodnight." said Aerith in relief.  
Sora left the room. As the doctor is about to do the same thing himself, he noticed the latch is acting funny making him say, "Oh my, the latch is acting funny. Well, no worries. One big slam would do the trick."  
The count yelps quietly as the light is turned off and the door is slammed all the way causing the vampire to fall off the ceiling landing on the floor with a slam making him yelp. Aerith woke up a little but didn't see anything causing her to go back to sleep.  
"Stupid old asshole." growled Sephiroth as he got up in annoyance. "If I didn't need to be silent, I woulda kill him for this."  
The vampire checked and is relief to see that Aerith is asleep. Now is the time. He slowly goes over to the girl's bedside and makes his fangs come out. The bastard hissed quietly before covering himself and Aerith with another blanket. The noises afterwards are the moaning of Aerith and Sephiroth's drinking her blood, followed by a slurping through a straw. Don't ask.

Author's note  
Holy crap! Sephiroth has strike and has drained Aerith of her blood! This isn't good.

Sora: Hell yeah, it isn't good. And things are getting more intense.

Jack: Wait until I appear!

Sephiroth: (sarcastically) Right, I'm sure no one mind you screaming like a dumbass in a blender at the asylum.

Dan: June and I should appear, soon, right?

Me: You betcha. There are references to _Gilligan's Island_ as well as my 'Kingdom Hearts: Crossover Style' story in this along with another Spider-Man reference. Catch them. Read, review, and suggest, folks!


	4. Chapter 3: Tea at the Asylum

Author's note  
Welcome back to the next chapter of this parody of a Mel Brooks parody. Time for me to use the suggestions from the other chapters for this big chapter. Let's do this crap!

**Chapter 3: Tea at the Asylum**

Near Triton's home is the Triton Sanitarium where the doctor himself is the owner and doctor of the place. It is where the lunatics, crazies, and the whatnot are brought in to be check on or helped, sometimes by painful means. Jack Spicer himself is one of the patients submitted here.  
In his cell, Jack is talking on a telephone (don't ask me how he got it), "Put me through to the Pentagon!" He snapped, "Don't toy with me, Sparrow! I've already dispatched with Naruto, I've got six armed Huntsmen stationed outside Jake Long's home and, as for Granny? Well, it's rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach now, isn't it?"  
After that, he turns to the camera and comments, "Sorry about that. I was just keeping in practice for when JusSonic gets around to his parody of the Family Guy version of 'The Empire Strikes Back'. I AM going to be in Stewie's role, after all. Speaking of which, I need to talk to Bowser after this parody is over. He DOES owe me money on a bet he lost."  
Just then the doggy door near the bottom of the gate to the crazy ass's cell opens up revealing someone named Baloo the bear peeking in as he said to Jack, "Hey Jack!"  
"Heh?"  
"I can't take it anymore, can you it? The goddamn lights, screaming, crazy face staring at me wanting to beat the crap out of me. The walls are closing in on me fast! Hell, I gotta get out of here!"  
"Hey stupid!" yelled someone outside the gate in the hallway in annoyance. It is a rather male large, fat cat who had black fur and wore red and blue armor. His name is Pete, the head guard in the place. "Get your ass back to work!"  
"Uh, right, doing so, sir." said Baloo as he closes the doggy door of Jack's gate putting his guard hat back on, getting up, and resume his duty.  
"Rookie," Pete mumbled as he heads over to the gate and open it to get into Jack's cell. Approaching the imprisoned Evil Boy Genius, he said, "Okay, time for you to have tea with Dr. Triton, see?"  
"Ah ha! About frigging time! You will see, Pete. Dr. Triton will see that I'm NOT insane." said Jack with a smirk, eager to get the hell out of this asylum...and back to his master.  
Pete retort, "I highly doubt it. Especially concerning the 'Bond villain moment' on the Fan Fiction Street phone."  
The two leave the cell, one eager to leave the asylum, the other ready to kick some ass if need be.

Dr. Triton sits outside his home at a table eating breakfast while waiting for his guest. He frowns in annoyance as he swats at the flies. The doctor hates those things, they are annoying.  
Jack and Pete walk towards the doctor ready for the patient to have his tea time. The latter halts the former snapping, "Stay, stay..." The guard then goes over to Dr. Triton as he said, "Hey Dr. Triton."  
"Yes, Pete?" asked Dr. Triton turning towards Pete waiting to hear what the head guard has to say.  
"I brought the mama's boy like you asked for."  
"I am not a mama's boy!" Jack yelled at Pete, hearing what the guard has to say about him. One of the many things that the new slave of Sephiroth hates is being called a mama's boy.  
"Very well, send him up here." said Dr. Triton motioning Pete to do so.  
"Oh, and you remember Darien Chiba, the patient in the West Wing who thinks he's some guy named Tuxedo Mask?" Pete asked remembering a certain patient.  
"I believe so."  
"He's throwing another one of his goddamn conniption fits."  
"He is, huh? Give him an enema." Dr. Triton requested with a nod.  
"An enema," Pete asked the doctor puzzled.  
"Yes. It would give him a feeling of accomplishment and probably let him dream about that Meatball head of a girlfriend he keeps ranting about."  
"Fine."  
Pete motioned Jack to come over to sit with Dr. Triton. Once the Evil Boy Genius sat in the chair across the table from the doctor, Pete took his leave but stick around in case of trouble (which is most likely in his damn line of work).  
"So Jack Spicer, good for you to come." Dr. Triton said to Jack planning to start things off politely.  
"Thanks, no problem." said Jack hoping to prove himself sane to get out of here faster.  
"And how are you today?"  
"Oh, normal. Very normal, yes."  
"That's great to hear." said Dr. Triton with a chuckle while drinking some tea.  
"Say...why am I brought here to this nuthouse?" asked Jack with a frown. "All I did was found alive on a 3 hour tour boat. And maybe say some crazy things but that's it."  
"Oh, we just want to perform some tests and see if you're sane enough to return to society. Is that alright?"  
"Oh, it's alright, hell I don't mind. I'm quite all right now."  
"That's good to hear. Hungry?" Dr. Triton asked Jack motioning to the food on the table. The man figures some food may help things along.  
"Hey, thanks." said Jack with a nod. Of course, none of the food on the table seems to interest him. One thing does and he wonders where the hell it is.  
"Help yourself, I insist."  
"Geez, what a bounty of food."  
Just then Jack noticed something that made him smile madly like a madman: a bug right on the table. Crap, he is hungry right now.  
"Yes. I was just telling Pete..." Dr. Triton begins to say just as Jack grabs the bug and stuff it in his mouth quickly. The doctor turns and barely caught what the patient just ate, something that is in Jack's mouth right now. "Wait a moment, what was that?"  
"Err...what was what?" asked Jack innocently as he swallowed the bug innocently.  
"I think you grabbed something from the table."  
"Don't be silly, I did not."  
"Yes, I did! I saw you taking it and stuffing the thing in your mouth! Was it a bug?" asked Dr. Triton in disbelief. People eating bugs can't be considered sane...unless they're Timon and Pumbaa.  
"Oh...uh, that was a raspberry." Jack said trying to cover up what he really ate.  
"Raspberry? I don't recall serving any raspberries?"  
"Oh, must be a raising then. Fell off one of the muffins. See?" Jack said as he picks up a muffin and points to a spot where a raising is missing. "One missing, like so."  
"Oh, what a relief." said Dr. Triton as he and Jack chuckled a bit. A raisin! That must of what Jack just ate!  
"Just a raisin, see?"  
"Of course, of course!"  
"Very amazing," Jack begins to chuckle before seeing a spider crawling down a web line nearby and snatching it quickly without the doctor noticing...or so he has thought.  
"Well, for a moment I thought you have..." Dr. Triton turned back to Jack and was startled when he just saw the patient put a bug in his mouth. Looking shocked, the doctor exclaimed, "Oh my...you did it again!"  
"What?"  
"You just put a bug in your mouth didn't you?! Are you crazy, man?! Was that a spider you just ate?"  
"You're joking. I didn't eat anything." said Jack quickly and innocently. Of course, what's funny is that it's true!  
"You did so!" protested Dr. Triton sternly.  
"Did not!"  
"You did so!"  
"Did not!" protested Jack trying to act innocent...and failed to do so.  
"Blast it, you did so!" exclaimed Dr. Triton getting annoyed with Jack's behavior. This definitely proves that the boy is not well!  
"Hell, I did not."  
"Blast it, I know that I saw you grab a spider from the air and ate it! What kind of man does a thing like that?! It's not human!!"  
"Oh please, me eating a spider? You're ridiculous!" snapped Jack as he gulps down the spider instantly. He then sees the grasshopper jumping on the ground near the table. With a crazy smirk, the Evil Boy Genius 'dropped' his fork onto the ground. "Oops! My bad, drop my fork!"  
"Now see here!" exclaimed Dr. Triton in annoyance as the mad patient jumped onto the ground pretending to go after the fork, when in reality Jack was going after the grasshopper. The doctor saw the lunatic throw the fork down on purpose. He watch as the bug hopped under table while Jack goes after it some more. "What is wrong with you?! What the hell are you doing down there?!"  
"Found it!" exclaimed Jack as he tossed the fork he was 'looking for' right onto the table while sitting back into his chair acting sane and innocent.  
"Blast it, this is serious, not very good for your record."  
"My bad, sorry for the delay. Won't happen again."  
Dr. Triton looks shocked as he sees something sticking out of the Evil Boy Genius's mouth: a grasshopper's leg! It is wiggling his legs out trying to escape its predator! Jack looks confused wondering what the hell the doctor is looking at.  
"My God! You are eating insects right from the earth!" exclaimed Dr. Triton in horror.  
"Come on, why would you say that?" asked Jack innocently.  
"Damn it, I am seeing one trying to get out of your mouth!"  
"Out of my mouth?"  
"Damn it, out of your mouth!" yelled Dr. Triton in shock as he points at the leg trying to escape Jack's tight mouth. "It's wiggling about in your mouth right now!'  
"Oh, please. That's stupid." said Jack rolling his eyes though it's really true.  
"I am stupid?! I am not, the thing is wiggling all over the place, the poor thing is fighting for its life!"  
Jack looks at the leg sticking out of his mouth then scooped it up into his mouth, much to Dr. Triton's disgust. Apparently, Sephiroth's control of limiting the former solicitor's mouth has done its work.  
"What the hell are you on about? I am not staying in this nuthouse a bit longer if you keep ranting like this! Screw you, doctor! I'm outta here!" snapped Jack in annoyance as it looks like he's trying to leave.  
"Me ranting?! You're the ranter!" yelled Dr. Triton in disbelief some more. Just then he noticed Jack is at it again, this time he sees a fly flying around and looks madly at it.  
"Hello, my sweetheart!" laughed Jack like a lunatic as he jumped into the air like a drunken asshole, trying to grab the fly, "Ha ha ha ha! Don't be scared! I won't hurt you! I just want to kill you!!"  
Jack continues trying to grab the fly so he can eat it but he accidentally fell into the startled Dr. Trtion's lap causing everything on the table to fall off. The mad boy laughed madly as he finally grabs the fly in his fingers and ate it. Pete, seeing enough, runs over and grabs the lunatic, dragging him away.  
"Pete, put the boy in a straitjacket and give him an enema!" Dr. Triton ordered Pete as he turns around to try to continue eating his breakfast. Then the doctor has a second though as he turn back saying, "Actually, give him an enema first, then the straitjacket. Makes it more interesting for you."  
"Right, his ass is grass, see?" insisted Pete as he continues dragging Jack off as he tried to grab another fly in the air.  
"LIVES, LIVES!!" laughed Jack like a lunatic some more as he continues getting dragged away.

Aerith was still in bed at this time sleeping though the girl looks very pale and not very well this morning. Ariel, in some horse riding gear, came in happily to get her friend ready for today.  
"Aerith, you silly girl, its 10:05. Time for our horse riding!" said Ariel happily as she opened the curtains to let the sun in. Aerith yelps in concern feeling painful. The sun seems to be hurting her for some reason.  
"Oh crap. I don't feel so good, Ariel." Aerith groaned in agony. "I don't think I could get out of bed at all today. I have these dreams...god awful ones. I...I think I feel drained."  
"Oh dear, you do feel a bit pale, maybe you're sick. I think I should get daddy to take a look at you."  
"Very well."  
Ariel in concern leaves the room to go fetch her father in hopes to help Aerith who leaned to the side to sleep some more. Unknown to the woman, there are bite marks on her neck...the same marks left by Sephiroth...

Ariel comes outside to her father's table, the doctor managing to put all the stuff that Jack knocked off before back on so he can continue eating.  
"Daddy." Ariel said to her father in concern.  
"What is it, Ariel?" Dr. Triton asked his daughter noticing the concerned look on his daughter's face.  
"It's Aerith."  
"What's wrong with her?"  
"I do not know. She is frightfully pale and warm." said Ariel getting scared.  
"Pale and warm? I think I should take a good look at her." said Dr. Triton in concern as he got up from the table to head back into the mansion. Aerith is like a second daughter to the doctor ever since her parents died years before. Dr. Triton has promised to take care of Aerith for her parents and he isn't about to lose her now.

Inside the room, Sora was with the doctor and Ariel as Dr. Triton put some medicine in a shot and put it into Aerith making her yelp in pain. The doctor saw the marks on Aerith's neck and they look very serious indeed.  
"Here is some medicine, my dear. Just try to rest." Dr. Triton insisted to Aerith as she nods a bit. In concern, the doctor turned to Sora and Ariel as he said, "No sign of affection. This looks serious." Dr. Triton now turns back to Aerith asking, "You don't remember where you got those marks from? The ones on your neck? An insect, a spider?"  
"Did anything bit you at all, like a Heartless?" Sora asked Aerith in concern. He may be engaged to Ariel but even he is concerned for the other girl at times too.  
"A Heartless would go for the heart, won't they?" Ariel asked her fiancée puzzled.  
"No...but I have a dream." said Aerith weakly trying to recall what happened last night. To her, it seems like a dream...  
"And that dream?" Dr. Triton asked the girl hopefully.  
"I remember nothing..."  
The doctor watched Aerith just as she has fallen asleep. Dr. Triton is more worried. It doesn't look like he knows what has happened to her or how to saved her. There's only one thing to do.  
"She is asleep. I got to say this whole thing even has me confused." said Dr. Triton with a sigh. "I think I will have to take the liberty of contacting the well known Professor Dan Helsing."  
"Professor Dan Helsing?" asked Sora surprised. "Wait, wasn't he wanted for various accounts of murder throughout Europe?"  
"No, the charges were dropped against him due to mystery circumstances. The man nowadays is a metaphysician and a philosopher. He is also a medical doctor who knows every disease than anyone else in the world. If anyone can help us solve this mystery, it can be him."  
"Please contact him, daddy, immediately." Ariel said to her father concerned.  
"Right, of course." said Dr. Triton as he heads off to contact the well-known Professor Dan Helsing. What he doesn't know is that he will get more than just the professor himself.

Author's note  
That's right, folks. Dan Helsing is finally going to appear, straight out of Terranova210485's 'Dan Helsing' story and right into this parody of the Mel Brooks film.

Danny: With the lovely June by my side helping me out, no death of course.

June: (giggling) Oh Danny.

Me: Jack's telephone call earlier is a reference to the fact that he will be in Stewie Griffin's role as Darth Vader again in the parody of the Family Guy parody of 'Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back'. There is also a reference to the Sailor Moon series as well as Timon and Pumbaa.

That's all for now so stay tuned for the next chapter coming soon.

Danny and June: We can hardly wait!


	5. Chapter 4: Professor Dan Helsing

Author's note  
Welcome back, folks. As you know, Halloween is almost over so I will do my best to get this parody done. This chapter, Dan and June Helsing finally appear. Before we get to the wedded couple, let's pause to take a look at the reviews.

nobodiez: Not really, this story is sorta a sequel to Terranova210486's unfinished _Van Helsing_ story so there's no need to make a parody of my own at all.

airnaruto45: I don't know and no to the suggestion.

And that's it. God, am I lame concerning stuff like this. Eh, what are ya gonna do?

**Chapter 4: Professor Dan Helsing**

In a university somewhere in England, someone is about to perform a lecture in one of the classrooms today. One of the signs said so, 'Autopsy Lecture Today. Given by Professor Dan Helsing. Room 74'.  
In the room itself, the students were there waiting for their teacher to show up as well as their stomachs to get ready for what's to come. The professor's assistant, a lad who wears a sock cap on his head, waits nervously for his friend and boss to show up.  
"Oh dear, I hope Dan doesn't overdo it again, though I don't think it's the case either way." Edd, or commonly known as Double D, said nervously. He has known Dan Helsing ever since their assignments together in the secret society they work for in secret.  
Just then a twenty four year old man came into the room wearing a lab coat. He has black hair and blue eyes. He is known other than Professor Dan Helsing, or Danny as he preferred to be called. The professor himself has led a secret life in the past as he was a monster hunter and halfa working for a secret society called the Knights of the Holy Order that is located in Vatican City, chasing down creatures like the Hulk AKA Dr. Bruce Banner. The problem is that his job makes him the most wanted and hated man in Europe as he is accused of killing innocent people for no good reason though the reason for the killings at all is because the innocents in question turned into monsters!  
After the previous assignment that got Danny together with his new found love, the Order has managed to get the charges against him dropped by mysterious circumstances. It allows Danny to get married and led a normal life like becoming a medical doctor but he and his wife continues doing secret work for the Order as long as it doesn't get Dan in trouble with the authorities.  
"Okay, men, get ready to observe your first autopsy." Danny said to the waiting students. "It's not unusual for men of the freshmen class to feel a bit faint during this whole thing. So we will begin by picking from those who has the dick to be a doctor and those who want to play doctor the kiddy way."  
"Oh god. I hate it when he does this." Double D said cursing under his breath. Even though he's a friar in secret, the assistant can cursed whenever the hell he wants to.  
"Now to uncover the corpse," Danny removes the clothes that held the corpse. One of the students fainted upon seeing it. "Okay, assholes. Next, we make an incision from the dick to the upper chest cabinet."  
Danny gets a knife out and cut the said parts causing another student to faint. Double D barely got out of the way as the professor/monster hunter continued, "Like so." This makes another student faint, the poor bastard.  
"Now, as I open..." Danny opens the corpse up as he continued while some of the students get a bit sick. "The obdominent wall, you can see that the organs have gone from a nice handsome pink to something out of a Goosebumps book."  
Two students got a bit sick before fainting to the ground. Double D curses some more. His boss is really hitting the students on their asses!  
"Time to check the intestines along for pestilogical clues, whatever the hell they are. Check it out." Danny laughs as he digs into the body and pulls out the intestine, much to the horror and disgust of the students still watching. "Double D, pass this sucker along, will ya?"  
Double D held the intestine and yelps as he passed it to another student who fainted upon holding it. No way in Hell is the assistant/friar going to faint!  
"No worries!" Danny said as the one holding the intestine now faints like an obsessed fan boy. "There's enough of that to go around!"  
Two students fainted as so far, it looks like only Danny, Double D, and another student who is holding the organs are left standing. But soon the last person gets ready to puke out crap as he fainted to the floor.  
"Well, looks like no one is standing." Danny said as he checked the fainted students on the floor.  
"Uh, excuse me?" asked a student who was standing behind Danny making him frown and pissed off. "I'm still here."  
"Well, so much for that." Double D said with a shrug.  
"Well, so you must be...Susan Astronomonov." Danny said with a sigh as he addressed the still standing student.  
"Actually, it's Mandark." Mandark said correcting his teacher.  
"Whatever. Come closer."  
"I have a feeling what he's going to do." Double D said backing away as Mandark goes closer to the corpse, standing next to Danny.  
"Okay, Mandark. Let's take a look at the brain, shall we?" asked Danny as he opens the skull holding the brain up a bit. As Mandark watch, the halfa gets a big hammer (which he pick up from a previous monster hunter job) as he said, "Time for me to crack this asshole's skull wide open. Observe!"  
Danny slams the hammer on the skull making it much to Mandark's shock and disgust. The professor gets the brain out as he said, "The human brain, naked and disgusting, eh? Take a closer look, Susan!" The man throws the brain to the student who yelps in alarm while screaming like a bitch. Dan just pushed Mandark down as he fainted to the work.  
"Gruesome." said Double D with a nervous chuckle.  
"But all in a good morning's work." Danny said as he covered the corpse up while looking pleased. A knock came to the door, "Come in!"  
Two figures came in. One of them is a robot in dean like clothing and a girl in nurse like clothing. They are Bigweld, the robotic dean of the university and Danny's mentor, and Eva 'Molly' Wei, a former barmaid in a village of Vaseria in Romania that Danny and Double D has met on a mission who is now a nurse in the said university.  
"Oh my gosh, Danny. 10 out of 10!" said Molly grinning while looking at the fainted students.  
"Still got it, Danny my boy," Bigweld said pleased at the professor's work.  
"What can I say? I learn from the best." Danny said smiling while motioning to Bigweld, the only known robot who is known to make 40 out of 40 people faint during an autopsy. The halfa hopes that one day he could beat his mentor's record.  
"Uh...so what brings you two in here?" asked Double D curiously.  
"Oh, this message came from you from Dr. Triton." Molly said holding a telegram for Danny.  
"A message? What does Dr. Triton has to say?" Danny asked, arching an eyebrow in interest. He knew of Dr. Triton and his work so there must be a reason why the asylum head must call him.  
"Well, he needs you to come to Toon Town, somewhere in England at once. It's an emergency."  
"An emerrrrgency?" asked Double D shocked.  
"Yes, an emerrrrrgency." Molly said imitating how Double D said 'emergency'.  
"Hmmm..." Bigweld said in concern. "I think you better get down there at once, Danny. I will have Double D filled in for you."  
"Oh hell." said Double D in concern. Watching his friend do autopsies is one thing, doing them freak the hell out of him. "God frigging damn it."  
"Double D, call my wife June and tell her I will be bringing her along for this." Danny said to Double D.  
"I thought she died!"  
"Yeah, the assholes who run the newspaper like to make stuff like that up like how they make stuff about me killing people for no good reason! Jesus."  
"How they let you be a special agent for our 'friends' will you use the lord's son's name in vain, I will never know." Double D said doing his best not to slip out the Order's name or what they do by accident.

The evil count opened up the lid to his coffin to get ready to do his vampire thing back in his chamber at his home. Sephiroth smirks evilly as he breaths a bit.  
"Ah, I'm awake." said Sephiroth with a grin. But then he saw a sight that confused him like hell: he hears the birds chirping and daylight shining through a window in the chamber. "What? I'm awake during the daylight, I can't be up during the daylight, I would burn like a sausage!"  
The count looks at himself and looks puzzled. Why is he not burning since he is in the light of day?  
"Hmmm...wait, the young blood of the Gainsborough girl is still in my system. Could it be...could her blood has actually cured me?" asked Sephiroth in amazement. He never thought that there's a way that a vampire can finally walk through the day and night, unless you count that asshole Blade. The count chuckles as he smirks while saying, "Son of a bitch! It is, I am cured! I can be up night and day now! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, amazing!"  
A while later, Sephiroth walked through the park where couples were having their picnics. It's amazing that a vampire like him can walk along them without a damn care in the world.  
"Ah, everything is bright, so many colors. The sun is good for the first time in years. Shame Vlad isn't here to see this." Sephiroth said in amazement. He sees a young couple named Aladdin and Jasmine having a picnic as the count said to them, "Excuse me, young lovers, I can't help but noticed your lovely picnic. Is it okay that I join in?"  
"Sure, no problem," Aladdin said not knowing about Sephiroth or his vampire like nature.  
"Oh, I can't help it, it is so lovely out here today, but is it alright that that I have a piece of your...chicken?"  
"Go ahead, and would you like some wine as well?" Jasmine asked offering a bottle of wine to the count.  
"I never drink...wine." said Sephiroth sternly. He never drinks iwine before and the count never intends to now. But... "Oh screw it. Let me try it." The count got a glass, that Jasmine has filled with wine, and some chicken from the couple as he tasted both drink and food. "Amazing, it's so frigging good!"  
"Gah, master," Sephiroth turned and sees Jack running up to him, shocked like a frigging mama's boy. The count wondered how the dumbass of an Evil Boy Genius got out of his cell from the asylum anyway.  
"Oh, Jack! Glad to see you're here! I'm drinking wine and eating chicken! I'm telling ya, life is good for me now!"  
"Are you frigging crazy?! What are you doing up during the daylight?!"  
"Calm down, Jack. I'm cured now." Sephiroth said with a chuckle. However, as he does, he didn't notice some smoke coming from his person.  
"No, you're not! No, no, damn it, look!" Jack exclaimed in horror as he pointed at Sephiroth. The count sees the smoke coming from himself finally and gasps while he screamed in terror. Smoke is coming from him? That could only mean one thing...  
"I...made...a mistake! I am not cured at all! I gotta get back to my coffin!"  
Sephiroth tried to run back to his coffin but all he did was run in one place, not going anywhere at all much to Jack and the others' horror. Finally the vampire screamed his last as he...

Suddenly Sephiroth scream as the lid of his coffin opens up back in his chamber. He wakes up while panting like mad. The count is all right, not burning at all. He looked up and sees the night sky coming from the window.  
"Oh, night time, the whole thing was a goddamn dream. I was having...a daymare." said Sephiroth in relief. "I got to learn not to eat so much before going to my coffin for the morning."

The following morning, Danny has arrived at Dr. Triton's mansion to check on Aerith as the doctor requested him to. Danny is now wearing a white shirt (on which the rims of his sleeves were orangish-red, as was the collar of his shirt, and a horizontal oval shaped symbol on the front of his shirt), along with blue jeans, and red and white tennis shoes.  
The professor looks at the sleeping girl as Sora, Dr. Triton, and another figure watch him do so. The figure is a twenty-three year old Asian woman, and she had brown eyes, freckles, and long raven hair, except for one strand of hair, which was actually pink. She was wearing a green midriff t-shirt with red rims, a red collar, and a red dragonfly symbol on the front, blue jeans held up by a brown belt, brown pants, and a wristband studded with gems around her right wrist. Her name is Juniper 'June' Lee Helsing, Danny's wife.  
The two has met while the monster hunt was helping and keeping her safe from an evil monster named Count Vlad 'Plasmius' Masters. June's ancestor, a Transylvanian knight named Lee the Elder, promised God that neither he nor his family would rest or enter Heaven until they've vanquished Plasmius from their lands. Danny and the Order cannot let them slip into purgatory, damn it. After a while of difficulty, Plasmius was destroyed and Danny and June got married a while after the murder charges were dropped against the halfa...though some stories made wild claims that June was killed during the whole thing, but again they are not true.  
"Just as I thought," Danny said as he looks carefully at Aerith's neck via a magnifying glass. "Three tiny puncture marks on her throat."  
"Three?" asked Dr. Triton in confusion.  
"Uh, honey? Your magnifying glass is dirty." said June as she takes the glass from her love and polish it, before giving it back.  
"Oh, thank June." Danny said sheepishly as he takes another look at the neck. "Goddamn it, two tiny puncture marks on her throat."  
"What does it mean?" asked Sora in concern. "And excuse me, Mrs. Helsing, but aren't you supposed to be dead?"  
"Actually, God has decided that it isn't my time yet, doorknob." June said rolling her eyes at the question. That subject concerning the events with Plasmius is something she and her husband prefer not to talk about again.  
"Look, just tell us, goddamn it." said Dr. Triton in concern.  
Danny and June look at each other worried as they are experienced with this in the past. The professor then turned to the others saying, "Gentlemen, what June and I are about to tell you will shake the very foundation of every medical precept you hold dear like hell. We are now entering the realm of the supernatural."  
"Supernatural?" asked Sora in shock.  
"Supernatural?" Dr. Triton repeated in disbelief.  
"Correct. Aerith was attacked by a creature that comes out from its grave and sucks the blood of the living in order to continue its age in unholy existence." June said grimly. She thought she herself has seen the last of that crap after Plasmius but it looks like one is still living, so to speak.  
"What we are dealing with now is..." Danny paused a bit as Sora and Dr. Triton lean closer to listen in. "...a vampire!"  
"A vampire?!" exclaimed Sora and Dr. Triton in shock and disbelief.  
"What are you saying?" asked Sora in concern.  
"Danny is saying vampire, duh." June explained clearly to the two.  
"That's nonsense. Modern science doesn't have a fact about such a horrible creature." said Dr. Triton in concern.  
June comment, "Hey, come on. I mean, one of us is half-ghost, the other is the Te Xuan Xe. We're both living proof that the supernatural DOES exist."  
"Besides, to hell with modern science, it doesn't do crap. She lost a lot of blood, correct?" Danny explained to Sora and Dr. Triton who nodded. The halfa then looked at Aerith as he continued, "Then look. Where did all the blood go and not in some product commercial no one gives a damn about anymore! See the sheet, pillow case, night grown, anything at all?"  
"Can modern science explain that? No. Can you explain that?" asked June challenging both Dr. Triton and Sora to explain where Aerith's blood had gone.  
"I can't explain it." Dr. Triton admitted.  
"Neither can I." said Sora in agreement.  
"No one can explain that!" Danny shouted spitting out right into Sora's face making him yelp.  
"So are you telling me that some other creature just flew in from that window, bit Aerith in the neck, and drank her blood?" Dr. Triton asked scared and disbelief. He is not sure if calling in Dan Helsing was a good idea if he has known befpre that the professor would make this kinda explanation.  
"That is definitely Danny's point." June said with a nod.  
"And tonight," Danny said while turning look out the window, "the thing from Hell will come back to suck on her life's fluid until every last drop from her is gone." The halfa turned gravely to the others as he continued, "If she dies, a victim of this unspeakable creature," Danny speaks darkly as he say, "she will become one herseeelf."  
"What?" asked Sora and Dr. Triton in shock and confused.  
"She will become on herseeelf!"  
"I'm sorry, I don't get what you're trying to say." Sora said confused as he has trouble understanding what the hell Dan Helsing is trying to tell him and Dr. Triton.  
"Oh for crying out..." June gets out a megahorn and yelled into it at Sora and Dr. Triton, "SHE WILL BECOME A GODDAMN VAMPIRE HERSELF!!!"  
"Gah!" Sora and Dr. Triton yelled in alarm as they held their ears out in pain due to the ringing in them thanks to the yelling from June's megahorn.  
"June my love, is that even necessary?" Danny asked his wife in puzzlement.  
"WELL..." June yelped then puts the megahorn down to speak normally to her husband. "Well, it's the only way to get the point across."  
Once the ringing in his ears had stopped, a concerned Dr. Triton asked, "Is there a way to keep Aerith safe from this fiend?" He still refused to believe that a creature called a vampire even existed, but if something did attack his ward before, it's best to be prepared in case it attacked again.  
"Dr. Triton, do you have any books on the occult?" Danny asked the doctor who goes over to a bookshelf nearby.  
"Yes, of course, I always have a few just in case." Dr. Triton said while looking through the books to see if any of them could help in this matter.  
"Do you have 'Toonsylvanian Folklore'?"  
"No."  
"How about the 'Theory and the Anthology of the Undead'," asked June hopefully.  
"Not really." said Dr. Triton as he kept on looking.  
"Do you have the 'Vampires of Prog'?" asked Danny getting annoyed by the lack of vampire books that Dr. Triton has.  
"No!"  
June couldn't believe it. Dr. Triton has got books on the occult and not any of the said titles about vampires? The girl asked in annoyance, "Do you have 'Nosferatu'?"  
"Hey, I have enough of that crap from the dumb blonde tour guide in that sketch on _Histeria!_, don't you go be driving me to the insanity too! Shut up!" yelled the familiar wacky voice of Nostradamus from who knows where. The three men and one woman look puzzled, wondering how the hell the French prophet did that.  
"Well, my wife meant the book, Nostradamus." Danny explained clearly to the offscreen French prophet.  
"Shut up! Really!"  
"Well, of course, we have 'Nosferatu'. We have Nosferatu today! It just came in the mail!" Dr. Triton said excited as he goes over to a package on the table that he has forgotten until now. He opens it revealing the insides to be a book.  
"Good, let me look at it." said Danny as he takes the book and open it, reading it until he found a page. "Good! There is a way to protect her."  
"How?"  
"'The creature is repelled by garlic. Its purifying effect is an aroma to the tainted soul of the vampire'."  
"Amazing. I wish we have tried that on Plasmius before." June said in amazement.  
"Still, there's hope for her yet." Danny said as he closed the book with a smile.

Author's note  
Wow, looks like the Helsings are here. Read the chapter as it contains references to Terranova210486's parody 'Dan Helsing' some more. Read it, Terranova210486, and take the hint in one part!

Danny: Dude, don't pressure the author.

Me: Sorry. Anyway, Bigweld is a character voiced by Mel Brooks that the author before has mentioned since the man himself almost starred in every film he was in. Eva 'Molly' Wei is from _Oban Star-Racers_.

Yes, folks, Mandark's real name is Susan Astronomonov. See the show or the wikipedia page for more details.

Nostradamus is a French prophet who has a cartoon version himself on _Histeria!_ The 'Nosferatu' remark he made is a reference to the sketch in the 'Music' episode from the said episode.

Read, review, and suggest, folks!


	6. Chapter 5: Death and UnDeath

Author's note  
Uh, no, airnaruto45. Besides, Tweek only made one cameo in the appearance and that's it.

**Chapter 5: Death and UnDeath**

The next night has come and it's time for Sephiroth to rise up from his coffin back at his home once more. Of course, the vampire has rise up too high and hit his head on the chandelier hanging over head, making him yelp in alarm.  
Pushing the chandelier aside, Sephiroth mumbled, "Note to self: I must move the coffin or the chandelier."

Danny, June, Sora, and Dr. Triton has got to work on keeping Aerith safe from the evil asshole vampire. They put her in one of the bedrooms on the first floor and put a lot of stuff involving garlic all over the place to keep the girl safe. Garlic pizza, garlic breath, garlic bread, anything garlic in here. And this sicks Aerith to the point of wanting to die already.  
"Calm down, Aerith. We have brought you down here so you will be closer to us." Dr. Triton said assuring the disgusted woman. "We will be in the hall in the study, just call for us, okay?"  
"Best to get a good night's rest so your strength can recover, Miss Gainsborough." June said nodding to Aerith.  
"Right, it's the only way to improve your health." Danny agreed.  
"Would an enema help?" asked Dr. Triton. This earned the doctor some annoyed glances from the wedded couple as if they are saying 'are you out of your goddamn mind'?  
"Let's leave." The group then took their leave out of the room so Aerith can sleep and recover in piece. As they leave, the professor/monster hunter pokes his head back in and said, "Sleep well, Aerith, the garlic will keep you safe from that vampire."  
Once the door is closed, Aerith groans in disgust as he covers herself with the blanket in hopes to drown out the smell.  
"Ugh. This smells like The Grinch's soul." Aerith complains.  
Unknown to Aerith though, a familiar vampire peeks through the window and smirks evilly. Now that the woman is alone, time to put the next part of his plan into action. Sephiroth uses his dark magic to unlock the window. Once that's done, he opened it making sure not to make any noise.  
Now the count gets ready to enter bearing his teeth...however, he sniffs something, something that smells terrible, even to a vampire. The bastard look and sees where the smell is coming from.  
"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! GARLIC!" yelled Sephiroth in alarm and disgust as he quickly goes back outside and closed the window looking disgusted. His enemies have used garlic to keep him from Aerith! He got to do something about this! The villain then leaves the area.

Back at the asylum, the villain climbed up the wall to a window and looked in. Inside a cell is Jack who paces back and forth and complaining about what he himself has gone through.  
"I can't believe it; the only thing I do in this parody is getting insulted, bossed and humiliated! What's next; my cellmate will be Hannibal Lecter or The Joker?" Jack paces back and forth in his cell. "At least I could have completed that hot scene with the girls...I mean, even the four-eyed geek got one scene with that pretty wife of his! Then again, Rika would kick my butt if I'm doing that with anyone but her."  
"Jack, Jack!" Sephiroth called to his servant. The Evil Boy Genius turns and sees his master waiting for him by his barred window hanging upside down.  
"Master, about time you got here! You wouldn't believe the crap I went through!"  
"Never mind that. It's time for you to serve your master. Come."  
"Right, no problem," Jack said nodding as he comes forward to the window, eager what his evil and powerful master has to say.  
"Those meddling idiots! They are using garlic to keep me from going into Aerith Gainsborough's window." Sephiroth snarled as he shows his fangs in disgust. "Now I want to take..."  
"Wait, wait. Hold on." said Jack confused. It is hard to talk to Sephiroth when the villain is hanging upside down like that. The dumbass quickly turned himself upside down, using his hands to keep him that way. "Okay, continue."  
"Anyway, like I said, they are using garlic and put them around her room."  
"So what am I do? I am stuck in this cell!"  
"Jack Spicer, could you even imagined that I could've taken you out of here if I wish?!" Sephiroth snapped in annoyance. He can't believe his hypnotized minion doesn't get it! "Do you think these foolish bars could stop me?!"  
"Oh god, I am having a headache." Jack groaned as he held his head with one hand, trying his best to keep his balance with the other.  
"They think they could match wits with me?! Me, who has command the forces of darkness and Heartless more better than Plasmius?! Me who has called forth demons of the night to do whatever the hell I wish?! Me who has destroyed anyone who is a jackass enough to get in my way throughout the centuries, me who..."  
However Sephiroth was interrupted as Jack lost his grip and fell to the cell floor with a thud. This caused his master to frown as he said, "Jack Spicer, I'm still talking to you."  
"Right, sorry." Jack apologized sheepishly as he got back to his feet.  
"Now let's go." Sephiroth then proceed in bending the bars with his hands enough so that Jack can get out that way. "We have much to do and less time to do it in."  
Sephiroth then flies down to the ground as Jack goes to the window to watch. The villain landed on the ground on his feet and safely.  
Jack comment, "Man, I wish I were allowed to have my helipack for this scene, but the script's the script."  
"Jack, come down here at once. Hurry," Sephiroth urged his minion still in his cell.  
So Jack did. The Evil Boy Genius got out of his window...and yelled as he fell to the ground and landed hard with a thud. The moron was trying to fly just like Sephiroth. The villain frowns as Jack got back to his feet, holding his head as if his goddamn skull was about to burst open.  
"Jack, I wanted you to use the drain pipe." Sephiroth told Jack with an annoyed sigh. "You must understand, I fly, you don't."  
"Oh yes, of course, I see. He flies, I don't." said Jack sarcastically as he continues holding his head while following his master to the mansion and doing so wobbly. "He flies, I don't. He flies, I don't."

Outside the bedroom, Aerith was sleeping, unaware that she got another unexpected guest. Jack got the window open and looked to see all the garlic all over the place. Sephiroth has given him the task of removing the said garlic so that the vampire can enter the room without a frigging problem.  
The Evil Boy Genius climbed into the place and begins removing the garlic, including the wraths from the bed post. As he does however, Jack hears a moaning sound from the blanket. Aerith is still under there sleeping and drowning out the garlic smell.  
Jack smirks devilishly as he lift the bottom covers and looks under the blanket. The boy laughs madly like a sick pervert after seeing a porno. However, as he does, the former solicitor was unaware that Aerith has chosen this time to uncover her head to try to get some air in. Suddenly the woman woke up...and sees Jack looking at her through the bottom covers.  
This caused Aerith to scream in terror as Jack stops what he's doing and screams like a girl, resulting in the two to scream in each other's face.

Outside, Sephiroth slapped his forehead upon hearing the girlish screams, looking all pissed off as he said, "Jack Spicer, you idiot."

The screams caught the attentions of the whole household as the door opens allowing Dr. Triton, Sora, Danny, and June (the latter two have a guest room so they can do their 'research') into the room. They gasped as they see Aerith and Jack screaming like girls ironically.  
"Oh god, get him!" Dr. Triton yelled in alarm as Sora runs and grabs Jack before he could make a run for it.  
"Gah! I'm weak, I'm weak, I was led astray!" yelled Jack in a panic as he tried to pretend that he has no hell of an idea what he's doing.  
"Good grief! Spicer? You're alive?!" Danny exclaimed to Jack in shock as he recognized him, so to speak.  
"Do I know you?"  
"Don't play innocent with me pal! Not after all the stuff you pulled. Why, you even tried to electrocute my buddy Double D with a cattle prod!"  
"Wait, that was my relative who live in Toonsylvania that has the same name I do! I haven't heard from him in months! How is he?" Jack asked as he realized that Dan Helsing must be preferring to the relative who shares the same name as he does.  
"No longer in our hair, asshole," June scowled as she figured that this Jack Spicer is as worst as the one who once serve Plasmius.  
"What did he try to do?!" Dr. Triton demanded to Aerith in shock and anger.  
"I caught him lifting up the sheets and looking at me! He was going to rape me if I haven't scream," Aerith exclaimed still shocked at what almost happen to her.  
"Oh, first an insane psycho, now a filthy pervert, huh? Pete!"  
"There you are!" yelled Pete as he runs into the room and grabs the escaped mama's boy. "Sorry, boss, but he musta gotten out of his cell somehow! I came to check in on him but he was gone and the bars to his cell window was bent somehow, see?"  
"Let me go, let m,e go!" exclaimed Jack madly as he struggles in Pete's grip.  
"I see, well, put him back in there and give him the you know what!" Dr. Triton said to Pete sternly, enough for the lunatic of a pervert to hear.  
"Wait, another enema? That doesn't help improve mental health!" Jack cries, fearing what's coming next.  
"I know, but it will give you a healthy colon; that's better than nothing." Dr. Triton said as Pete dragged the screaming lunatic away. "And you get another and another, until you come to your senses!"  
"Ugh, and right during Danny and I's 'us time'." said June in disgust and annoyance.  
"I'd close the window." Sora said as he goes over to the window and looks outside a bit. He missed Sephiroth who was hiding from his view. The assistant of Dr. Triton then closed the window a while later. "Well, nothing out here."  
"Good work. Well, back to bed, honey?"  
"Oh baby." said Danny with a grin as he follows his wife outside the room so they can get back to their guest room to continue their frigging 'research' (okay, having sex with each other).  
"Aerith, are you alright?" Dr. Triton asked his ward making sure that Aerith is alright and that Jack didn't hurt her in any way.  
"I'm alright and hopefully I can get away from that pervert and all this garlic." said Aerith gasping a bit.  
"Sorry, but Dan Helsing insists."  
With that, Dr. Triton and Sora left while Aerith groans before covering herself again. This night is hell for her so far.

Back outside, Sephiroth frowns in annoyance. He shoulda known better than to break Jack out and let the dumbass remove the garlic, only to ruin it thanks to Jack's own stupidity. Time for the vampire to do what he shoulda done in the first place.  
Sephiroth looked at the window, his eyes glowing, as he said, "Aerith...Aerith." The villain now said sinisterly, "I order you...open the window..." He now hissed, "Come!"  
Looks like the vampire will get his victim, one way or another.

Pete opens the door to Jack's cell (where the barred window has since been repaired) and throws the inmate in there.  
"Get in there and stay in there. I'd be right back to stab you in the ass!" Pete snapped in annoyance as Jack landed on the bed of his cell.  
"Wait, you got it all wrong! I saw nothing, I saw nothing!" Jack protested innocently. Once the door to his cell was closed however, the minion chuckled like a sick bastard of a pervert.  
"I saw everything. And I was sure to enjoy it...because, one, it was my less painful or humiliating scene in the whole parody, and two...Rika is going to kill me later." Jack sighs and shakes his head while waiting for his enema.

Sephiroth smirks evilly as he laid the unconscious Aerith on a bench in the garden near the mansion. It has work, his ability to hypnotize women even when he isn't closer. As long as the count knows a woman's name, he can control one as he wishes from outside her home. Now the time to finish Aerith off.  
At that time, Ariel opens the window to her bedroom to breath in the night air happily. Despite the craziness she heard from Aerith's new bedroom, it is just a nice night. That is until she gasps and sees someone near Aerith in the garden.  
The girl screams in horror as Sephiroth looks up and yelps while leaving the area. Even so, the evil asshole has done his task as he leaves a familiar corpse behind  
"What's wrong?" asked Dr. Triton in concern as he and Sora runs into the bedroom to see why the doctor's daughter is screaming.  
"It's Aerith, someone was attacking her!" exclaimed Ariel as she points to a familiar corpse on a bench nearby.  
"Oh crap!" Sora gasped in shock as he sees Aerith not moving on the bench.  
"Wait here!" Dr. Triton told his daughter as he and Sora runs out of the bedroom. They then leave the mansion, followed by Dan and June Helsing (interrupting their 'research' again), and run to the newly made corpse. As June zips up her pants for some reason, the asylum doctor checked Aerith's pulse. It frightens him as he does.  
"How is she?" Sora asked Dr. Triton scared all of the sudden.  
"She's dead..." Dr. Triton said grimly. He can't believe it. Aerith, the ward he cared for other than his own daughter, has been killed.  
"Oh no. The vampire has got her." said June in horror.  
"Goddamn it, the fiend has taken all of her blood. We told her not to leave the safely of the garlic." said Danny sadly as he shakes his head at the now dead Aerith.

The next evening was a sad one as the dead Aerith is being put to rest in a nearby cemetery. Friends and family come to bid their farewells to the deceased as a priest reads the usual stuff. It was a sad day indeed.  
Once the funeral is over, some of those who first discovered Aerith's death return to the mansion. Dr. Triton looks furious as he comes into his study followed by Danny, June, and Sora.  
"No, that is insane! I will not allow it!" Dr. Triton roared angrily, due to an absurd suggestion Danny told him about.  
"You must understand, we got to drive a wooden stake in her heart or she will come back from the dead as a vampire to suck the blood of the living!" Danny insisted in concern. He has seen this many times before and knew what will happen thanks to the evil ass vampire.  
"I will not! Aerith was my ward, I tried my best to take care of her after her own parents' death and I failed sadly. You will not desecrate her like a bunch of frigging grave robbers! It's sacrilegious."  
"Look, you got to trust Danny on this one." said June in concern. "We shouldn't be telling you this, but Danny and I also work for the Knights of the Holy Order, a secret society that is experienced in stuff like this! We know what to expect! Once someone is killed by a vampire like that, it's only a goddamn matter of time before he or she does what my husband is trying to warn you about!"  
"I thought you were a doctor, Dan." Dr. Triton said scoffing at just a claim. Knights of the Holy Order, how ridiculous.  
"That's one of my normal jobs when I don't hunt monsters for a living." said Danny sternly. "I would tell you more about me but it would go over your head."  
"Uh, Dr. Triton. Perhaps one of us should stand guard over at Aerith's grave." Sora suggested in concern. "I figure in case someone would try to steal her valuables or have sex with her corpse?"  
"Oh God! That is gross! Look, I'm having serious doubts about this crazy vampire theory!" Dr. Triton said annoyed. "Who in blazes, by the very spectrical imagination, could be a vampire?!"  
"Count Sephiroth." said an old woman in a maid's outfit called the World's Oldest Woman, AKA Tressie, as she introduced Sephiroth while the latter came into the room.  
"Well, maybe him. Ah, Count Sephiroth, we were just talking about you, favorably of course."  
"Yes, of course. I know you don't mind me coming in here unannounced but I heard of Miss Gainsborough's passing." said Sephiroth in false sympathy. It's obvious since he's the one who killed her himself, knowing the next part of his plan will commence soon. "I wish to offer my consolences."  
"Uh, thanks." said Sora nervously, wondering why he is feeling nervous around the count all of the sudden.  
"Thank you. Oh, Count Sephiroth, allow me to introduce Professor Dan Helsing, or Danny as he likes to be called, and his wife Juniper 'June' Lee." Dr. Triton said introducing the Helsings to the count. "The professor himself is a doctor of rare diseages as well as theology and philosophy."  
"Don't forget gynaecology." June said pointing that out to the asylum doctor.  
"Oh, Dan. I didn't know you had a hand in that too."  
"Ah, yes, Dan Helsing." Sephiroth said eyeing the professor carefully as if suddenly familiar with both him and June. "Yes, your name and exploits everywhere, including the ones in Romania, are familiar even in Toonsylvania. I heard the murder charges were dropped against you, Dan Helsing."  
"What can I say? We got lucky and lived the normal life we do now." June said with a smile.  
"Excuse me, but I heard you were killed somewhere in Romania. By a WereWulf, I heard."  
"I thank you never to mention that again!"  
"Well, well, so you're Count Sephiroth." said Dan Helsing looking curiously at the count. "Curious. Tell me, are you related to Count Vlad Masters, the one some called the Plasmius of Transylvania?"  
"A cousin of mine." said Sephiroth, wondering where the professor is going with this.  
"Uh, Masters?" asked Dr. Triton puzzled. "Who is that?"  
"Yes, a big nasty impaler asshole of a count." Danny said explaining to Dr. Triton, Sora, and Sephiroth. "He was a blood sucking butcher, who inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants, whenever he can. A monster who has three brides named Azula, Blackfire, and Ember."  
"Right, the monster used them, Heartless, etc. for his evil deeds like cutting their peasants' hands, feet, and private parts right off, gouging their eyes out and impaling them all on iron spikes." June said with a nod.  
Sephiroth looked at Danny and June bored as he said, "They have it coming, okay?"  
"Oh dear God, what did they do to deserve such barbaric and inhuman treatment?" asked Dr. Triton in shock and disgust, unaware that the Helsings knew more about Plasmius than they have mentioned.  
"Well, like they say in the old county, 'Damn right, Sephiroth, zen right pushta'!"  
"Or in any case, 'Stunning es ploshtoy, un mout perfect'." said Danny scoffing while using the same language like the count.  
"Well, well, I'm amazed. You knew the ancient Monderian very well." said Sephiroth impressed, so to speak. He can tell that the Helsings are going to be trouble but hopefully they will be too late to try to stop him. The asshole bowed as he speaks part of the ancient Monderian once again before saying, "Apply. Well, lady and gentlemen, time for me to take my..."  
"Vanous!"  
"Uh...leave. Well, Dan Helsing, you must be a man who likes to have the last word. I think I should go and avoid resorting to this childish exercise." Sephiroth heads to the door and gets ready to open it. Suddenly the count quickly said, "Volestoid."  
"Yeah, yeah. It is immature to me who has the last word." Danny said chuckling before he quickly said, "Volortnik."  
Sephiroth turned as he open the door halfway, getting annoyed but tried his best not to show it. He said, "It is getting late so how about we continue this another time? Goodnight."  
"Goodnight."  
Sephiroth opens the door and leaves the room. But before the door closed all the way, the count mischievously said, "Avolutza."  
Danny groaned, getting very annoyed once the door is closed all the way. June comment, "Crud. I hate it when Dan gets that way with suspects. It makes him look so blasted immature - which, I suppose, is deliberate in order to inspire them to initially underestimate him, so I shouldn't complain."  
"Don;'t worry, honey. That guy is so damn arrogant." said Danny chuckling as he goes to the door trying to look like he's calm down. "It is easy to see that people of that kind are dying in his part of the world." The professor/monster hunter opens the door quickly and shouted, "Pushta!" He closed the door with a laugh, thinking he has won.  
"Danny, stop it."  
"We will deal with that later, June. Right now, we are not done with our work even if we take care of the damn problem with Aerith. That vampire who murdered her is still out there. You must know this, the monster is cunning and has the knowledge of centuries. And no matter what happens, he never gives up."  
"Sylvania." said Sephiroth as he passed the window doors from outside smirking while he leaves much to Sora and Dr. Triton's surprise and Danny and June's annoyance upon seeing him.  
"Whoa. How did he get there?" Sora asked amazed as he sees Sephiroth leaving.  
"Oh goddamn that asshole!" June yelled pissed off as she and Danny got closer to the doors, both annoyed by the count's immaturity. "No matter what happens, he never gives up!"  
Danny's eyes widen in realization as he repeated, "Never gives...up." He and his wife look at each other at the same time, both having the same realization.  
"Uh...what's up?" Sora asked the two noticing the same thoughtful look on their faces.  
"Say, out of curiosity, when did Sephiroth move into that abbey place next to your mansion and work place, Dr. Triton?" Danny asked Dr. Triton.  
"About a month ago." said Dr. Triton.  
"And Aerith's first symptons?" asked June expecting that both Aertith's illness and Sephiroth's appearance are connected.  
"Around the same time." Sora said with a nod.  
"Uh huh." said Danny in thought.  
"Wait, are you saying that Sephiroth is our vampire?" asked Dr. Triton in shock and disbelief. A seemingly normal man like Sephiroth, a goddamn asshole of a vampire?!  
"Yes...and no." said June with a nod.  
"Uh...what are you saying?" Sora asked puzzled.  
"Well, we're saying no, but we're leaning towards the 'yes' part." said Danny though he is leaning towards the 'yes' part more.  
"So you're saying yes." said Dr. Triton.  
"No." said June as she shakes her head.  
"Well, you're saying no now?"  
"Not really." said Danny.  
"You sound dubious." said Sora getting confused now.  
"No, we're positive." June said grinning at the same time as the man she loves.  
"Of what?" asked Dr. Triton, wondering what the frig the two are talking about.  
"Of our theory." said Danny in excitement.  
"Which is?"  
"The theory of yes or no." said the two at once making Sora and Dr. Triton more confused now. That doesn't make hellva sense at all!

A groundskeeper named Willie is drinking his wine as he sat in the burial chamber of the departed Aerith. The Scottish man has finished his work of putting the final touches on the woman's coffin. Now is the time for him to call it a night.  
"Well, goodnight, lass." said Groundskeeper Willie as he picks his shovel up nodding at Aerith's coffin. "May angels voices sing thee to thy rest and all that crap."  
The man picks his equipment up and prepares to leave but a voice from the coffin interrupts him, "Help me."  
"Aye? What's that?"  
"Help me! It's so dark in here."  
"What?" asked Groundskeeper Willie confused as he looks at the coffin. The voice is coming from in there, but it can't be! "Who is in there?"  
"I'm alive! Oh god, they buried me alive!" whined a woman's voice from inside the coffin.  
"By laddies' sake! Don't worry, woman, I'd get ye out!" exclaimed the groundskeeper in alarm as he begins to open the coffin up. They buried a poor woman! How could they! Once the lid is opened all the way, he sees Aerith lying inside looking at as she wakes up. "Oh god, those dumbasses have made a mistake. A terrible mistake!"  
"Help me, please." said Aerith shivering and sounding weak. "I am so frigging cold."  
"There, there, lass. You're alive and will be all right." said Groundskeeper Willie as he takes the woman by the hand. Just then he noticed something is wrong as Aerith gave the fool a cruel smile.  
"I hate doing this, but it's the script, and I'll do the darned script."  
Suddenly Aerith hissed as she jumped towards Groundskeeper Willie who screams for the last time as the woman drank all his blood from his neck. Once she's done, the newly born vampire licks her lips evilly while getting out of her coffin. Time for the woman to go on the hunt...

Dr. Triton is reading a book in his study back home, trying to get by the horror the whole mansion has went through by Aerith's death. Just then, he noticed Sora passing by. The assistant is wearing a warm coat and is holding a lantern.  
"Sora, what in blazes are you doing," asked Dr. Triton puzzled.  
"Well, I know this will sound crazy but I figured to stand guard at Aerith's grave like Dan Helsing and his wife suggested." Sora said in concern.  
"Surely you don't take this vampire business seriously!"  
"I don't know what to believe. But what if the Helsings were right? I'd be damned if I don't make sure of what they say is true or not. Oh, and don't call Shirley!"  
"Oh whatever. Go ahead and fall asleep at the grave, why don't you?" Dr. Triton scoffed as he goes back to his reading while mumbling, "Ridiculous! That is what I say, goddamn it."

In the garden, Danny and June have decided to go over to Aerith's grave knowing what to expect once they get there. They can't let another vampire like the one who attacked the woman be loose. Just then, the body of Groundskeeper Willie fell out of the bushes making them gasp in shock.  
"Oh god. It's already starting." said June in shock.  
"Come on, we got to stop Aerith before she kills again." Danny said as he and his wife runs and hopes that they stop the newly born vampire Aerith before she gets her next victim.

Sora arrives at the cemetery and arrives at the part of the area where Aerith's burial chamber is at. As he headed towards it, the boy looks surprised as he sees the doors to the chamber opened. Was someone in there, like the groundskeeper? Hell, this doesn't look good at all.  
"Sora, Sora." said a voice making Sora look around startled and scared. What the hell is that?  
Suddenly a familiar looking woman appeared, coming out from behind a tree smiling seductively at Sora. The Keyblade holder gasped in shock as he sees who the woman is.  
"Aerith, is that you?" asked Sora in shock and uneasily as the woman comes towards him as if wanting to screw his brains out.  
"Sora, come away with me." Aerith said as she reached out to Sora trying to reach him while going towards the mortal human. "You always wanted me as I do to you. We will be together...forever."  
"Uh, look, Aerith, I don't want to hurt your feelings. You are a good friend and all, but that's just it, we are just friends. Damn, we both know that I'm engaged to Ariel! Besides, you're dead and I can't married a dead woman!"  
"Oh, I am not dead. I'm undead."  
"Well, I'm not unengaged." said Sora nervously as he tried his best to get away from the bitch who is supposed to be dead. "I uh...gotta get going, yeah."  
Sora tried to escape but Aerith will not have it as she continues trying to seduce the boy while cornering him at a tree.  
"Please, let me kiss your lips and I will show you the deep, raw passion of the sex from beyond the grave." The vampire woman said to the boy eagerly and seductively.  
"Come on! I'm from Destiny Islands, you know that!" said Sora trying his best to resist the woman's tempt thing.  
"Oh, so are these." exclaimed Aerith as she shows her breasts to Sora making him yelp and laugh nervously.  
"Whoa, uh, hee hee. Well, uh...damn..."  
"I knew you would submit to my way of thinking! We will be together...FOREVER!"  
Aerith grabs Sora and prepared to bite the boy in the neck. The boy yelps in horror. Only a miracle can save him now!

Author's note  
Oh crap! Aerith is now a vampire and is about to turn Sora into one! Who will saved the Keyblade holder?!

Danny: Uh, take two guesses.

June: And both count, damn it.

Me: Right. Things are getting intense (and hilarious). There are references to the Dan Helsing story as usual so check them out. I also use a lot of suggestions for this chapter.

The World's Oldest Woman is from _Histeria!_ The name she uses for this story, Tressie, is a reference to her voice actress Tress MacNeille.


	7. Chapter 6: The Dance of Love

Author's note  
Well Halloween is almost over and so I may not get this story done before October is over. But I am not worry about that.

Sora: Huh? Aren't you worried about ruining the Halloween spirit if you finish this story by November???

Me: Sora, if I recall, the Simpsons' Halloween episodes more often than not happen in November so you should consider the holiday not over yet.

Jack: Yeah, don't be a dumbass!

Sora: Mama's boy!

Jack: Don't call me that!

**Chapter 6: The Dance of Love**

Before Aerith could bite into Sora's neck, a cross appear in front of her making the vampire hiss like a bitch.  
"Back, back, you unholy demon!" yelled Danny as he appear from out of nowhere holding the cross making the vampire hissed angrily. "Sorry about this."  
He fires off an energy blast (with the hand that ISN'T holding the cross) and June, who quickly appears, throws a punch. The combination of the ecto-blast and the super-strong AND super-fast punch send Aerith flying back a good distance and, in fact, causes her to land right back in her coffin in the burial chamber.  
After that, June comment, "Just trying to speed this up a little while still staying in the general spirit of the script. Besides, we HAD to use our powers AT LEAST ONCE before the final showdown with Sephiroth."  
"Sora, you alright?"  
"Thank God you two show up when you did." said Sora in relief as he recovers from what the hell just happen.  
"This is our chance, Sora!" exclaimed Dan in concern as he looks at the burial chamber in determination.  
"For what?" asked Sora.  
"To kill the bitch, duh!" June explained. "She's in her crypt, let's go."  
The three quickly run into the crypt, preparing themselves for a fight if need be. When they get inside, Sora and the Helsings see Aerith back in her coffin unconscious and sleeping.  
"Oh God, Aerith. I guess she's dead now." said Sora in relief and concern.  
"No, she isn't." Danny said grimly observing Aerith carefully.  
"So she's alive???"  
"No, she isn't either. She's a Nosferatu." June said with a nod.  
"She's Italian?!" exclaimed Sora shocked making the Helsings look at the boy in disbelief.  
"Damn it, it isn't what we meant, Sora." Danny explained. "It means she's one of the undead and the poor girl will have to suffer eternity in pain and misery killing the living like a critic on parodies."  
"How can we help her?"  
"Sadly, in order to save her eternal soul and the lives of the living, we must destroy Aeirth." Danny takes out a stake and a hammer while he continues explaining, "The best way to do so is to drive a wooden stake through her heart."  
"Oh God, no." said Sora worried and concerned. "It's bad enough that Aerith is a bite sucking monster now but do we have to do that? Isn't there another way?"  
"Well, in the past a crucifix can also do the work." June explained thoughtfully. "Vampire can also be shot at, stabbed, clubbed over the head, put killer bees down their shorts, dropped Acme safes and anvils on them and even sprayed them with Holy Water and Judge Doom's Dip. When we were fighting Plasmius, an evil vampire that can't be killed by the earlier stuff I have mentioned, my husband turned into a WereWulf and got rid of the bastard."  
"Wait, Plasmius was a vampire?" Sora asked, surprised that the one the Helsings explained about before is a vampire.  
"Yep and don't remind me." said Danny with a frown. "Though another best way to kill Aerith is to cut her head off, stuff her mouth with garlic, and tear her ears off."  
A pause, then Sora takes the stake and hammer saying, "On second thought, give me the stake." Killing Aerith by stake and hammer is much easier than dealing with the smell of garlic and the gross out afterwards.  
"Good boy. We knew you could do it," said June.  
"Wait, what the hell am I thinking??? I can't kill Aerith!"  
"Sora, please, she got to be killed by someone who loved her in life." Danny insisted. They got to hurry! It would be sometime before Aerith wakes up and attack again.  
"Come on, I only liked her a bit!" Sora whined in annoyance.  
"Eh, close enough. Take the stake and a hammer and do it, you can do it. Just place the point of the stake over her heart and hit as hard as you can."  
Sora sighs but knew he has no choice. If killing Aerith is the only way she will live in peace and kill as a vampire no more, then so be it. The Keyblade holder holds the stake over the girl's heart and prepared to hit the stake into the former human with the hammer.  
"Hold it!" June exclaimed quickly. She and her husband quickly ran into a corner nearby, which is big enough for them to get into. Once they are inside, the Te Xuan Ze peeks out a bit and yelled, "Now!"  
June hides just as Sora hits the stake with the hammer hard, plunging the former into Aerith's heart. The boy yelps as a lot of blood came out and gush right onto Sora. The boy looks grossed out by the time it stopped.  
"Oh God!" yelled Sora looking at the blood all over himself in disgust. "Look at all the goddamn blood!"  
Danny peeks out and say, "Yeah, that happens on the occasions when they don't just turn to dust. Besides, she just ate."  
Sora sighs then yelps as he sees Aerith moving. The last staking didn't finish her off. The boy yelled, "Aerith's still alive!"  
"Hit her again!" exclaimed June quickly.  
"Hell no! I can't..."  
"Look, how much blood can she have left anyway?" Danny pointed out to Sora. He's right, sort of. Aerith couldn't have eaten so much blood in one night, right?  
"Fine," Sora said with a groan just as the Helsings hid to avoid the blood again. The boy hits the stake with the hammer once more. The Keyblade holder, after doing so, puts his hands on his hips looking pissed off as a lot of blood gushed out once more, covering Sora with it. Soon once it's stopped, Danny and June peeked out once more to see how much damage is done to the new vampire.  
"Okay, she's almost dead." Danny said with a nod.  
"She's dead enough. She can't be more deader than that!" exclaimed Sora annoyed as he tossed the hammer away. Enough is enough, damn it. As Danny and June came out of the corner they hid themselves in, the boy groan in disgust as he said, "This is disgusting."  
"Tell me about it, you think we shoulda put newspapers down?"  
"Oh poor Aerith. What have I done to the poor girl?"  
"It's alright, Sora. You have saved her. She can go to heaven like my family and ancestors did in our fight against Plasmius forever and in peace. I wish Dennis was here instead of being killed like a WereWulf." June said with a sigh. The Asian gets a napkin out and gave it to Sora saying, "Clean yourself up."  
"Thanks, oh poor Aerith," Sora said sadly to Aerith as he cleans himself up with the napkin. The boy will never forget this moment when he has to kill the girl Dr. Triton has kept on eye on since Aerith's parents were killed. Well, at least Aerith is in heaven now with them, right? The boy, finished with the napkin, is about to give to the blood covered thing back to June making her look at it with a frown.  
"Uh, keep it. I ain't getting something that bloody on my clothes."

Outside the mansion, Sephiroth has arrived as he continued his big plan. The evil asshole grins as he visions Ariel sleeping in bed inside the place. The World's Oldest Woman is doing some work in a chair keeping watch on the girl.  
The evil vampire's plan is working so far. He has attacked Aerith to keep his enemies busy while concentrating on his true target: Ariel. Sephiroth plans to make her one of his brides forever and unlike his cousin Plasmius, he won't make any mistakes in this case.  
Sephiroth's eyes glow as he risen a hand saying, "Tressie...Tressie..." The woman inside the mansion suddenly felt the vampire's power taking control of her as Sephiroth's voice continued speaking to her, "Your eyelids are getting heavy. Sleep...sleep."  
Soon the World's Oldest Woman has close her eyes and fallen asleep. Time for the villain to get Ariel now. He concentrates his power on the sleeping girl as Sephiroth said, "Ariel...Ariel, open your eyes." Suddenly Ariel opens her eyes as she fallen under Sephiroth's spell. It's seen on the hypnotic look on her face. "Arise, Ariel, Arise."  
Ariel got out of her bed and turns to where Sephiroth is at, waiting for the next command from the vampire. Sephiroth continued, "Now watch to the door."  
Ariel obeys as she heads to a door nearby. The girl opens it and went through the door, leaving the room before closing the door behind her.  
"Uh, Ariel?" asked Sephiroth's voice with a groan. "You are in the closet."  
"No I am not in the closet." Ariel responded in a hypnotic voice.  
"Yes you are! I saw you go into the closet!"  
"Uh..."  
"Look, open the door and come out of the closet." Sephiroth said trying to calm down and get Ariel to him without a fuss.  
"But I am not in the..." Ariel begins to say in her hypnotic voice.  
"JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND LEAVE THE SQUARE PLACE YOU ARE IN, GODDAMN IT! IS THAT SO FRIGGING RETARDIC TO UNDERSTAND?!"  
Ariel understood and opens the door leaving the closet with a nod. Sephiroth, calm down, continues, "Now go to the Terrace Door."  
The girl turns and heads to the Terrace Door to go outside and meet her new master and future lover, Ariel under the villain's power.  
"Look out for the foot..." It's too late as Ariel tripped over the footstool left on the floor and goes crashing onto the floor making Sephiroth groan a bit, "Stool. Get up."  
Ariel obeys and stood up, obeying Sephiroth's command. But to the vampire's shock, the World's Oldest Woman woke up from her sleep and stood up, still in her hypnotic state.  
"Gah! Not you! You sit!" Sephiroth yelled to the World's Oldest Woman in annoyance. However Ariel thought he was talking to her and sat down. "NO! I mean you sit!" This time the World's Oldest Woman sat down before the villain pointed at Ariel. "You stand!"  
The vampire look pissed off however as both the two women sat up. Sephiroth pointed at the World's Oldest Woman again as he said, "No, no, sit down!" Ariel and the World's Oldest Woman sat down again. The vampire tried again, "You stand." Guess what? Both women sat up again. Sephiroth is getting so pissed off by this frigging thing.  
"You go to the Terrace Door and you go back to sleep!" said Sephiroth trying to regain control in this matter. "LOOK OUT!"  
Too late as both Ariel and the World's Oldest Woman, in the frigging confusion, ended up colliding into one another, causing them both to fall to the ground unconscious. Sephiroth threw his arms up in frustration. Did women became stupid all these centuries?!  
"You know what? I'm coming. Make sure you turn the lights off so no one will see me." Sephiroth instructed to the two women. He decided to go inside and get Ariel himself. To his relief, Ariel and the World's Oldest Woman understood this time as they turned the lights off while the vampire headed into Ariel's room.  
Later, the villain came out of the room holding what he presumed to be Ariel as he said sinisterly, "Soon you will be my bride throughout eternity. We will share the endless passion of immortal love."  
"Oh yeah, baby! I can't wait!" said a familiar voice as she looks up grinning madly at Sephiroth. To the vampire's shock, it isn't Ariel at. He has picked up the World's Oldest Woman by mistake.  
"NOT YOU!" Sephiroth runs back into the mansion and throws the old woman down onto her chair, knocking the World's Oldest Woman out. He came out of the room a while later holding Ariel for real this time as the count spoke rapidly in annoyance, "Soon you will be my bride throughout eternity. We will share the endless passion of immortal love."

"Oh man, what a night." said June with a sigh as she, Sora, and Danny returns to the mansion. They got rid of Aerith, now it's the evil vampire's turn, whoever he is. Dr. Triton has chosen that time to come out of his home to breath in the fresh air and gasp in shock upon seeing the three coming with Sora covered in blood!  
"My God! Sora, what happened to you?!" exclaimed Dr. Triton in shock and disbelief.  
"The Helsings were right, Dr. Triton." Sora said seriously. "Aerith came out of her grave and tried to screw me as well as kill me! I woulda been dead if Danny and June haven't arrive in time."  
"Now she sleeps in peace." Dan Helsing said to Dr. Triton with a nod.  
"You mean Aerith became a vampire, really?" Dr. Triton asked the group in surprise. He can't believe it but it looks like it is true. Amazing!  
"Yes, unfortunately. Say, where's Ariel?" Sora asked his future father in law in concern. He hopes the vampire who attacked Aerith didn't get the boy's future wife. Too bad the Keyblade holder didn't know how wrong his hopes are.  
"Oh, she's in her room sleeping. Tressie should be in there watching her."  
"Okay, well, I'm going to watch in front of her door, just to make sure she's alright."  
Sora is about to head in but Dr. Triton stops in concern as he said, "I think you may want to clean up first. I don't want Ariel to be concerned when she sees the blood all over you."  
"Right. Sure." said Sora as he is about to go into the mansion but his boss stopped him again.  
"Oh, and use the servant entrance. I don't want blood all over the new carpet I recently put in."  
"Right."  
Dr. Triton watch as Sora headed off to the servant's the entrance. The asylum doctor looks amazed and disbelief as he said, "I am amazed!"  
"What, that we were both right and that a vampire is out there, planning his next move as well as the threat of Aerith the vampire?" June asked Dr. Triton.  
"No, I mean Sora is covered in blood but I don't see any on either you or Dan Helsing! How do you explain that?!"  
Dan Helsing chuckled in amusement as he say, "We've been to plenty of stakings- you've got to know where to stand in case they don't turn to dust." June giggled as she, Danny, and Dr. Triton went into the mansion while the halfa continued, "It always come down to location, location, location!"

Sephiroth smiles evilly as he carries Ariel into a room full of candles back at his abbey. The woman didn't seem to hesitate or try to fight her captor, rather she seems to be enjoying it.  
Once the vampire put Ariel into a chair, Sephiroth smiles as he said, "And now, Ariel, it's time we do the dance...of love."  
Sphiroth uses his dark magic to make a nearby organ plays with some of the pipes spitting out smoke doing so. Ariel is lifted out of her chair as the two begins to dance as if doing so in a romantic ballroom, a ballroom of evil! In one point, Ariel danced so wildly as she did a dip near her dancer.  
"My, you are good especially someone I co-starred with in the Kingdom Hearts parody." said Sephiroth with an evil grin. He then uses his hand to rise Ariel up as they continued their dance. Soon the thing became a crazy tango as the music plays very well. Sephiroth and Ariel dance across the floor happily and seemingly lovingly.  
At one point, Sephiroth stops the dancing to hold Ariel then leans down as if about to kiss her. However his shadow is beginning to go crazy while shaking Ariel's shadow like a sick pervert and a bastard. Sephiroth looks up and gasps as he sees what his own shadow is doing! The vampire yelled in Romanian angrily causing the shadow to stop what its doing and let Ariel's shadow go in embarrassment.  
Needless to say, the dance continues as Sephiroth now holds Ariel up in the air and twirled her around in a circle. Soon the girl landed in the villain's arms before Ariel sat on the floor flirting with Sephiroth while kickiing her legs up much to the count's amusement.  
Now Sephiroth picks Ariel up and hold her in the air once more before letting her go to fall into his arms once more. The two smiled at each other as they look into each other's eyes.  
It's time. Sephiroth got his fangs out as he leans over and bites Ariel in the neck. The girl, while getting drained, exclaimed, "Please, no hickies!" Ariel groans as she felt relax in Sephiroth's hold, becoming closer to being his undead bride.

The next morning, Sora went into Ariel's room to see if she's alright. The girl he loves is at the window wearing a black dress while the World's Oldest Woman sleeps in her chair. The boy is relieved upon seeing Ariel, unaware of what happened last night.  
"Ariel!" exclaimed Sora making the girl turn around. She noticed him and did something unexpected.  
"Oh, Sora." said Ariel giving Sora a seductive smile to her fiancee. Weird, it's the first frigging time she did that. Ariel hushed Sora as she motioned to the old woman still sleeping, both going near her.  
"How about we wake the old bag up, no offense?"  
"None taken. Tressie!"  
Ariel shakes the World's Oldest Woman awake. Tressie wakes up startled as she exclaimed, "Whoa, crap! I guess I musta doze off. Weird, I don't recall falling asleep. Hey, it's morning."  
"Great to see you awake too." said Sora.  
"Funny, I was on guard but then I feel a dark cloud coming over me a while later. Aw, hell. We're all safe and sound now. Gotta go make breakfast," The World's Oldest Woman sat up but yelps in pain causing her to hold her back. "What the frig? Where did that come from?"  
The World's Oldest Woma leaves, wincing from the pain Sephiroth has done to her last night. Sora chuckled in amusement. Tressie can be so funny at times.  
"Hey Sora," Ariel said grinning at Sora who looked back at her. "I got the most amazing dream last night. Hell, I feel so goddamn different."  
"Well, you look different and talk different too." said Sora feeling uneasily for some reason. Ariel don't often swear like this. Weird.  
"Sit with me." Sora nodded as the girl sat on the bed while the Keyblade holder sat on the same stool Ariel has tripped over, unknown to him. The girl looks at her lover and chuckled as she said, "Closer." Sora nodded and got on the edge of the bed but yelps as Ariel pulls him closer. "Goddamn it, closer you dumbass bastard!"  
Sora chuckles sheepishly. Ariel has been acting even more oddly. Did she slept well last night? His respond? He said, "Ummm..."  
Ariel grins seductively while she said, "Darling, I know we have been together for a long time but I think we have yet to...explored each other."  
"Explored? Well, that's depends on what you mean by 'explored'."  
"I am different not, I am no longer the Ariel you know."  
"Wait, huh?" asked Sora confused. What did Ariel mean? What the hell is she talking about???  
"Sora, I got something I wanted you to do something, something I wanted for a long time and that I wanted to ask you to do now." said Ariel seductively and excitedly.  
"For you, anything."  
"Do me a favor...and touch this." Ariel said as she points at a certain area on her chest.  
"Sure, that's all..." Sora hold his hand out to touch what his love is pointing at but yelps in alarm before pulling the said hand back, "What the hell?!"  
"Come on, touch them, touch them, goddamn it!!"  
"Look, I know you're just following the script, but I don't want to risk anything happening where I have to explain things to your off-screen husband, Eric."  
Prince Eric, in a cameo, snaps, "I'll say. I'm more than willing to tolerate the author pairing you two ON-screen, as long as it STAYS strictly on-screen. Though, I have to say, it feels good to finally get a cameo in a Sora/Ariel pairing story."  
Sora reassures Eric, "Don't worry. I couldn't do that to Kairi anyway."  
"Asshole," Ariel mumbled as Prince Eric left the scene, "Never liked him, at least under Sephiroth's spell. All right, Sora. You don't have to touch anything."  
"Oh, that's good."  
"I'll touch you!" giggled Ariel madly as she grabs Sora by the hands and tried to touch his balls. The boy screamed in horror as he jumps away.  
"Goddamn, Ariel, stop that!" yelled Sora in annoyance. "What's wrong with you anyway?! Screw this, I'm getting the hell out of here!"  
"Sora, please. Don't be like that." Ariel insisted in worry as she grabs her fiancee by the arm. "There is something wrong with me, you are right! It's taking control of me and making me say stuff I will regret later on and make me do things I don't like to do. Sora, please help me." The girl holds him looking scared. "Please help me."  
"Oh, I'll help you. Look, I'm here for you. Whatever it is, I can help with. What can I do?"  
"Touch this!" giggled Ariel as she grabs Sora by the hands and forced him to do the most shocking thing ever: hold the girl by her ass! And to make matters worse, Dr. Triton has chosen this time to come into the room.  
"Good morning, how are...HOLY CRAP! SORA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" exclaimed Dr. Triton in shock as he sees Sora grabbing Ariel by the ass, unaware of how it happened.  
Ariel yelps in fake shock as she yelled, "Sora, you jerk! Let go of me!"  
"Wait!" protested Sora in alarm.  
"Yes, you keep your hands off my daughter!" exclaimed Dr. Triton sternly and angrily at Sora who was pushed off of Ariel by the girl herself. "What are you thinking?! You should be ashamed of yourself, doing that before marriage! We got rules around here, you know that!"  
"Dr. Triton, she made me do it!"  
"Ariel, is that true?"  
"No, Sora was drooling like a pervert and put his hands all over me." Ariel exclaimed in pretend innocence.  
"She told me to touch it!" yelled Sora in alarm and freaked out. But knowing Dr. Triton, the asylum doctor would side with his daughter than his assistant. And goddamn it, the boy was right.  
"Sora, I can't believe you! I took you in after your parents' death, let you have our food and drinks, and look after you like a father and eventually a father in law! And how do you repay me?!" exclaimed Dr. Triton angrily. "You decided to touch Ariel after being engaged and before marriage! Get out and never return!!!"  
Sora looks shocked and sad as he is about to leave. He can't believe it. Ariel and Dr. Triton has turned against him big time.  
Just then Danny and June came into the room as the professor said, "What's going on? We heard shouting from in here!"  
"Terrible doings, that's what! I saw Sora touching Ariel, his hands all over her." Dr. Triton said angrily and disgusted. It would take a while before he could find someone else who is better for Ariel than Sora.  
"Dan, June, you got to believe me, she forced me to do it." Sora said in concern. "I don't know how or why but Ariel has been having like a seductive whore and she even swore at me! She never did that to me before. It's like she's under a spell or something!"  
"A spell, eh?" asked Danny suspiciously as he sees something on Ariel's neck: some sort of scarf, "My, Miss Triton. What a great scarf you have."  
"Oh, I got cold this morning so I decided to put it on." Ariel said making an excuse.  
"Funny, it's about 80 in here." said June suspiciously. That mean it isn't that cold in the room at all.  
"Say, all right if we take a closer...LOOK?!" yelled Danny as he quickly pushed the scarf off of Ariel's neck. And soon, on the neck itself is a certain kinda bite mark. "I knew it."  
"My goodness, she got a bite mark on her neck...just like Aerith!" Dr. Triton gasped as he sees the familiar bite mark like the one on Aerith!  
"Oh, don't worry. It's nothing. I uh...prick my neck while pinning my shirt." Ariel said nervously. The girl is obviously still under Sephiroth's spell as she is trying to cover up the bite given to her from the evil vampire.  
"Oh is that so?" June asked rolling her eyes before giving a smirk to Ariel. "Oh Ariel. Danny and I got a gift for you."  
"Oh really? What is it?"  
"Something from us. Hold out your hand and you will get your surprise." Danny said as he held out something covered in his hand. Ariel did as he said, unaware of what's about to happen. "Here."  
Danny puts something in Ariel's hand, resulting in the girl to scream in somewhat pain. The monster hunt has put a cross in her hand and it is burning her. Ariel scream some more before falling to the bed fainted.  
"Ariel," Sora gasped in alarm as Danny removed the cross, revealing a new mark on Ariel's hand.  
"There, see," June said pointing to the cross mark made in Ariel's hand making the other look shocked.  
"What is it?" asked Dr. Triton in alarm.  
"That is proof, my unfortunate friend, that your daughter was corrupted and bitten by the evil vampire himself." Danny said seriously. It is clear to him and June now. The attack on Aerith was a distraction so that the vampire could take Ariel, planning to make her his new bride.  
Dr. Triton look horrified. It is now clear to him that Ariel was under control of the evil vampire and that Sora was indeed forced to touch the girl now acting not like herself!  
"We got to do something! We must save Ariel before she ends up like poor Aerith!" said Dr. Triton horrified.  
"The only way we can save her if we find the vampire who did this and killed him." said June with a nod.  
"But who is the vampire?" asked Sora after making sure that Ariel is alright. So far, he and the others don't seem to have any suspects, or so he thought.  
"The Helsings suspected that it's Count Sephiroth but it may be that insane Jack Spicer. I mean he eats bugs and bend bars without some magical equipment." said Dr. Triton worried. "Heck, it could be anyone!"  
"Wait, I got an idea. One that should reveal the vampire for sure," Dan Helsing said with a grin. The others listen in as the professor/monster hunt explained his big plan.

Author's note  
Yikes! Ariel is corrupted by Sephiroth!

Ariel: I am not.

Danny: Are too!

June: Not now, Danny, not now.

Me: Things are getting intense. The final chapter is coming up and yes, I know Halloween is over but again, it won't stop me any. It is coming soon so read, review, and suggest, folks!


	8. Chapter 7: Sephiroth's Big Fall

Author's note  
This is the final chapter of this Halloween story. Yes, I know that Halloween and October is over now, but that never stop the Simpsons before! Time for me to put my final suggestions into action big time!

**Chapter 7: Sephiroth's Big Fall**

The next evening, Dr. Triton hold a ball to celebrate the engagement of Ariel to Sora inviting everyone they can. Classical music is played while people danced. Of course, only a few people aren't dancing their asses off and four of them are standing dressed in their finest while waiting as if for someone important to show up.  
"I sure hope you know what you're doing, Dan Helsing." said Dr. Triton to Danny with a frown. "This is a bad time to be holding a ball. Aerith is dead and my daughter's life is hanging in the balance as of right now!"  
"Too bad we're working. I'd love to dance with you, Danny." June said smiling at her husband while wearing the most beautiful dress you could imagine.  
"Me too. Sora, did you make sure you send the invite to Sephiroth?" Danny asked the well dressed Keyblade holder.  
"Hell yeah I did. However this ball has been going on for an hour now." said Sora in concern. "The asshole isn't coming."  
"Hope you're wrong. I'd love to see him here tonight. When I said that, I mean..."  
"Yes, Danny, we know, Danny, we know." June said with a nod. "Does the cousin of Plasmius suspect anything?"  
"Good evening." said Sephiroth as he arrived in his cape and his hair wig, startling the hell out of the group.  
"Oh Jesus! Don't do that." said Sora in alarm.  
"Oh, did I startle you all?"  
"No, no, no." said the group chuckling innocently trying their best to not alert the villain to the fact that they're setting a trap just for the son of the bitch. Hopefully Sephiroth doesn't suspect a thing.  
"Ahem, may I take your cape?" asked a woman usher named Sharon Marsh happily as she came forward.  
"No, you can take my hat though." said Sephiroth as he takes the hair wig off and gave it to Sharon, making her confused as she walks away with it.  
"Well, we are just worried you won't show up at all." Sora said sheepishly.  
"Yeah, you are one of our good friends." said June in agreement whistling innocently.  
"Well, this is just a great occasion, who am I to miss it? Must keep my nights open for new experiences." Sephiroth then turned and smiled as he sees Ariel laughing and having fun nearby. "Well, well, Ariel Triton does look lovely tonight. Sora, I know she's your future wife and all that but would you be jealous if I ask her to dance?"  
"Well, to tell you the truth..." Sora said about to say 'yes' but June kicked the boy in the shins making him quickly say, "No problem at all!"  
"Thanks." Sephiroth head off to go to Ariel to ask her to dance while Sora groans at his shins hurting. Danny's wife has kicked him hard.  
"Master, master!" The evil count turns and sees Jack, the asshole out of his cell in real life, whispering to him while coming over. "You're here, thank goodness! Now..."  
"You dumbass! Don't call me 'master' in public." said Sephiroth quickly while looking around. If anyone were to hear Jack called him 'master' from nearby, they would suspect that something is up. "What the hell are you doing out of your cell anyway?"  
"Hell if I know. They invited me. Good thing too. I wanted to go to this kinda thing."  
"I smell a rat." Sephiroth said.  
"Where," Jack said in excitement and then wide opened his eyes. "Oh, there it is!"  
Two white mice, on the snacks table, look up at Jack. One is a lot shorter than the other and has a large head; the other mouse is thin and with a goofy face.  
"Actually, we're two genetically enhanced lab mice trying to take over the world." The Brain explained. "But now we had been spotted...Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"  
"I think so, Brain, but who would make 'Hamlet' with Chevy Chase on the leading role?" Pinky asks stupidly.  
"Hopefully, nobody. But what I mean is that now we had been spotted, my complex plan to use this parody to achieve my goals is ruined and we had been reduced to an insipid cameo. Come on, let's go back to the lab and get ready for tomorrow night." Brain starts walking away.  
"And what we'll do tomorrow night?"  
"Same thing we do every night, Pinky; try to take over the world!"  
The band, in a perfect cue, starts playing a very well-known theme song, and everyone at the party sings in a chorus, "They're Dinky, they're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain."  
"Ugh. I don't know what the point in doing that crap." Sephiroth said in annoyance. "Jack, listen up, there's a chance that I will be discovered. If that we were to happen, we must escape."  
"Right, of course! I'd escape and will meet you at Carafax Abbey." said Jack in agreement.  
"No, too risky. The bastards will most likely search there first. Out of precaution, I have moved my coffin to that abandoned chapel on top of the cliffs. When you do escape, make sure no one followed you, okay?"  
"Right, master."  
"Damn it, I said don't call me that in public." Sephiroth snapped at his henchman once more.  
"Sorry, m..." Jack yelps as Sephiroth gave him a look saying 'say it and I'd frigging kill you'. He quickly said, "Uh, miss?"  
"Just do it, you dumbass! God."  
Soon the music is finished as the crowd applauded happily. Sephiroth grinned as he goes over to Ariel who is talking to a boy named Ash Ketchum.  
"Good evening, Miss Triton." Sephiroth said as Ariel grins happily towards the count she is having feelings for. "How about we do the next dance?"  
"Hey, we're in the middle of a drink right now." Ash snapped at Sephbiroth in annoyance.  
Sephiroth, not taking 'no' for an answer, made his own eyes glow as he said darkly to the Pokemon trainer, "You are done with your drink."  
Ash throws his own drink onto himself like a pathetic asshole. The boy looks at his glass and said, "Wow. I guess I am."  
"Come, Ariel."  
The two held hands as Sephiroth and Ariel goes to the dance floor while Ash gets hellva confused to what just happened. Once the music begins, the two begins dancing. At first things to be fine, but three men and one woman have other plans.  
"Okay, Pete." said Danny making the signal to Pete who is by something covered by a curtain nearby.  
"Right, move that table, damn it," Pete ordered two of his men who moved a table nearby. Now the head guard pulls a cord nearby causing the curtain to be pulled up. The object is revealed to be a mirror.  
Pete looks at the mirror then looks confused while looking at Sephiroth and Ariel on the dance floor. The count is seen dancing...but the asshole's reflection is missing in the mirror. What the hell? Even though who stop dancing looks confused and shock as they see that Sephiroth isn't showing a reflection at all!  
"What? He isn't in the mirror!" Sora explained in shock.  
"How is that possible?" asked Dr. Triton in amazement.  
"Simple. A vampire has no soul so the bastard would not have a reflection in the mirror." Danny explained sternly with June agreeing with him. That will definitely prove who the vampire is!  
Sephiroth and Ariel, unaware of what's happening, continued their dancing. In the mirror, it looks like the girl is dancing with no one yet she is doing goddamn wonderfully by herself.  
"Well, I got to give Ariel some credit. She is doing so well without him." said Sora in amazement resulting in Danny and June giving him an annoyed stare each.  
Many people look confused as is Pete as they look at the two dancing while the count's reflection isn't in the mirror. It can't be! Sephiroth and Ariel stops dancing and saw the people's staring.  
"Well, they must like our dancing." Sephiroth said pleased, unaware of the mirror itself. He presumed that the people are amazed by how well he and Ariel are dancing. "We are very good. Let's give them something great to watch. Conductor, the Russian Dance!"  
"Russian Dance!" said a conductor named Troubadour turtle eagerly as he taps his conductor's stick and got to the musicians to play the song.  
People continued to watch as Sephiroth and Ariel dance in the circle Russian style. This goes on for a while as is in a Russian Dance. The villain then lifted Ariel in the air while in the mirror, it looks like the girl is flying in the air. Troubadour, who was conducting the band, looks back and looks confused upon seeing what is going on in the mirror. Sephiroth, with no goddamn reflection!  
People gasped at how they're dancing as well as Sephiroth's lack of reflection in the mirror. The villain, thinking the crowd is loving it, said to Ariel, "They are loving it, damn it!" The man puts the girl back on the ground while she grins. "Let's give them a major finish."  
Sephiroth now grabbed Ariel and twirls her around in a circle. In the mirror once more, it looks like the girl is flying though Ariel looks like she is enjoying herself. Soon she landed on the ground before making her big finish. Sephiroth smiles as he sees people muttering about what just happened.  
Bender, surrounded by a bevy of beautiful human women, yelped upon seeing what's happening as he exclaimed, "Aw crap! There are vampires living in this country too? That's it, I'm moving back to Translyvania!"  
Sephiroth heard that and looks shocked. He then turns and looks alarmed as he sees that his reflection is missing in the mirror. The villain has been exposed as a vampire! Sephiroth angrily turns as he sees the ones who have exposed him: Sora, Dr. Triton, and the Helsings themselves.  
"Well, well, Dan Helsing. You are very smart for someone who has yet to live a single lifetime." Sephiroth snarled angrily at the halfa and the one who got rid of Plasmius with June's help.  
Dan reply, "Technically, I'm somehow hundreds of years old."  
Sephiroth say, "Yeah, well...shut up! You and June may have destroyed my cousin Plasmius but you will not do the same thing to me!!!"  
Angrily, Sephiroth removes the cloth off of the table that was moved and throws it before grabbing the table himself. Hissing while looking pissed off, the count throws the table at the mirror, breaking it instantly.  
Sonic joke, "How many years bad luck do you think it is to break a mirror THAT big?"  
Knuckles replies, "Who cares how many YEARS it is, as long as the bad luck lasts long enough for the bad guy to be taken care of once and for all?"  
Sephiroth quickly grabs Ariel making Sora gasped as he yelled, "Ariel!"  
"Get the asshole!" yelled June as she and men charged at Sephiroth but the villain, with his hold, rushed towards a window and breaks it through, making people screamed as he escaped that way.  
"Master, master!" yelled Jack in shock as he rushed towards the window. The asshole yelps as he realized what he just said before trying to correct himself, "I mean 'mister', mister'!"  
Jack tried to make a break for it but Pete grabs himself exclaiming, "Oh, no you don't, you goddamn mama's boy! You're going back to your cell!"  
"No, she's gone, why did Sephiroth take her, WHY, WHY, WHY?" exclaimed Sora in horror.  
"Don't ask me, we just got here." said a weirdo named Gonzo the Great who just shrugged.  
"But still we feel sorry for your lost." Kermit the Frog said trying to comfort the worried boy.  
"But you must be strong, you must defeat the vampire and save the love of your life, that's what my Kermie would do right, right?!" Miss Piggy said to her beloved frog happily before talking to Kermit sternly.  
"Right, whatever you say, Miss Piggy."  
"Uh Kermit? I got a question, does JusSonic like us?" Fozzie Bear asked Kermit puzzled.  
"Well yes he does, he has made one parody on each Muppet movie and/or special." Kermit said nodding to the bear.  
"Then why do we barely get any cameos in these stories?"  
"Well I did get to appear in 'Who Framed Loud Kiddington' and I play Pit in No Limit 5's Subspace story."  
"And I hear we'll play an important part in Papa-T 41's parody." said Gonzo in agreement.  
"Well I get to make more appearances in these stories." Fozzie said with a sigh.  
The group, getting back to the story, looked out the broken window that Sephiroth has broken through as Dr. Triton said in horror, "Dan Helsing."  
"Damn it, we got to find the asshole before sunrise." said Danny seriously.  
"Why sunrise?" asked Sora puzzled.  
"The sun's rays will destroy Sephiroth so he got to hide when the sun is out." June explained to Sora. It's true. The sun can hurt the asshole so they may use it to get rid of the count for good. If they can find him…  
"Come on, we got to find Ariel or she is gone to us forever." Danny said with a nod.  
Sora comment, "Okay, we're a Keyblade wielder, an experienced halfa/monster hunter and a woman capable of outmuscling a half-ton gorilla, as quick and agile as Spider-Man and skilled in all manner of magic-based weapons in addition to being an experienced monster hunter in her own right. Our opposition is the vampire version of one of the nastiest and most powerful video role playing game villains imaginable. Between you and me, I'd say the odds are pretty close to even."  
"Come on, you idiot." Pete snapped at Jack as he dragged him away while the fool struggled in his grip.

Outside the asylum a while later, Danny, June, and Dr. Triton, back in their normal clothes, sees Sora, also in his normal clothes, running towards them in concern as he said, "Damn, we have search all over the place but he or Ariel are nowhere in the abbey."  
"Damn it. The jerk musta move his coffin out of precaution." said June with a frown. "If only we know where Sephiroth and Ariel are right now."  
"Yeah," Danny then looked at the barred window to Jack's cell and had a realization, "Of course, Jack Spicer! We got to release the mama's boy, he's the only one who could help us now. He called Sephiroth 'master' at the ball!"  
"Wait, I thought he said 'mister'." said Sora puzzled.  
"No, he only said that just to fool people who are complete dumbasses. No offense." June said apologizing to Sora sheepishly.  
"Maybe I could possess Jack and try to undo the mind control Sephiroth has over him." Danny offered.  
"First of all, even if that worked, we don't know if the guy would remember anything about what he did when he was under Sephiroth's control, so we might not find Ariel in time. Second, it would ruin the script anyway."  
"Yes, of course, of course." said Dr. Triton in realization. "Jack would know where Sephiroth is at. The teenaged boy will go straight to the count!"  
"And he will lead us right to him." said Danny in determination as he make a plan to have Jack Spicer removed from the asylum immediately.

Inside, Jack yelped as Pete throws the boy into his cell, the prisoner landing on his bed roughly.  
"Stay in here until you rot, asshole!" snapped Pete harshly as he leaves the cell, slamming the door on his way out. Jack begins to cry like a girl. He is going to be stuck in here for the rest of his life, with no freedom, no food, no...  
Suddenly the door opens as Pete came back in with a grin while saying, "Guess what? You're free to go, Jack!"  
"Huh? How, why?" asked Jack confused. Why is he being released all of the sudden just as he got thrown back into his cell?  
"For good behavior, see?"  
"But I was only here for the moment."  
"Well for that moment, your behavior was good, see?" Pete said giving a grin to Jack. Of course, the true reason is that Dr. Triton has paid the head guard to release the prisoner and Pete isn't the one to turn down a chance for money. "Let's go."

Outside, Pete tossed Jack out into the night air as he exclaimed, "Watch your step!" Too late as the minion tripped and fell onto the ground. Jack got up, shaken but all right.  
"I'm coming, master!" exclaimed Jack eagerly as he prepared to head off. Just then he stopped, looking suspicious. His release was too sudden and easy. There's no way he coulda got off for good behavior unless... "Wait, I know what those idiots are doing. I wasn't called an Evil Boy Genius for nothing! They want me to lead them to the master! I know, I will outsmart them!"  
So Jack begins his attempt to outsmart his master's enemies. And when I say that, I mean the asshole ran around the place like a complete buffoon, not going anywhere at all. Soon he stops and looks around.  
"Ha! I lost them." said Jack evilly. Looks like him being an Evil Boy Genius has work out. He runs off eagerly.  
Unknown to Jack though, four figures have suddenly appeared from out of nowhere. They are Danny, June, Sora, and Dr. Triton! The halfa has turned himself, as well as June, Triton and Sora, invisible and are hovering off the ground this whole time.  
Danny comment, "Hey, it's close enough to the script, since we ARE still technically hidden."  
"Well, guys, we are fortunate." June said observing Jack's departure while Danny floats back to the ground and set everyone down.  
"Why is that?" asked Dr. Triton curiously.  
"He's a complete dumbass, just like his relative in Transylvania! Let's go after him."  
"Hold on, a moment." Danny then pulled out a black cape and a hat, the same outfit he wore when chasing monsters for the Order, before putting them both on. "Damn, I haven't worn these things in a while.  
Sora comment, "We'll head Spicer off at the pass."  
Danny comments, "Heading him off at the pass is both against the script AND defeats the whole purpose of the plan."  
Triton adds, "And besides which; HEAD THEM OFF AT THE PASS? I HATE that cliche!"  
Triton then shoots Sora in the foot making hte boy scream in pain while holding his shot foot. At that point Danny and June look at the doctor oddly, making Triton sheepishly admit, "Sorry. Right actor, right director wrong parody."

Jack runs up towards the cliff where the abandoned chapel should be at, unaware of four figures chasing him right now. The villain looked back and saw no one behind him. The Evil Boy Genius laughs evilly. No one is chasing him, good! Or so he thinks.  
Jack runs into the chapel and sees Sephiroth walking up the stairs with Ariel in front as he exclaimed, "Master,..master! I'm here! I'm here!"  
Sephiroth stopped a moment as Ariel, still under his spell, continued heading to the room where she should meet her fate. The count speaks to Jack as the latter comes up the stairs towards the former, "Jack, you made sure that no one has followed you, yes?"  
"Of course! No one followed me! I am an Evil Boy Genius, those dumbasses couldn't see their way out of a paper bag!" said Jack proudly and evilly. "They don't know where we are."  
"Jack went into the chapel, hurry!" yelled Sora's voice from outside making Jack yelp. He has been followed!  
"You asshole's boy! You led them to me! Oh, I shoulda known better than to take control of someone whose relative, who works for my cousin Plasmius, has the same goddamn name!" yelled Sephiroth angrily and pissed off.  
"Oh god, god, I'm sorry!" yelled Jack insanely as he got on his knees on the stairs. "Please punish me, punish me!"  
"Oh, not now! Just get them away from here! I don't have time!"  
"Please, punish me, I deserve it!" yelled Jack madly. The Evil Boy Genius has screwed up big time and is really asking for Sephiroth to be punished.  
"No, not now!" yelled Sephiroth angrily as he pushed Jack away. He really has no time! Unless he makes Ariel his bride soon, the villain will not get another goddamn chance!  
"Oh, Master, please...personally I hate the idea, but it's in the script, so let's do it already; punish me!" Jack cries.  
"Well..." Sephiroth hears his cell phone; it has the classic theme of the live action 'Batman' series as ringtone. "Hold it. Hello?"  
"Chase Young here. Look, I'm seeing this parody; just punish the little bastard already. It's one of the very few advantages of having him as a servant." Chase's voice said on the other end.  
"Okay, thanks for the advice." Sephiroth ends the call and grabs Jack by the collar.  
Jack groan, "This is one of the parts of the script I hate the most." The boy yelps as his master choke him majorly. "Okay, good, good. That's enough." The Evil Boy Genius yelps as the villain hits him in the balls now making him squeaked, "Thank you!"  
Sephiroth finally dropped Jack causing the boy to fall down the stairs like mad until he landed on the bottom making him yelp. Just in, Sora's group barged through the door at that moment and sees Sephiroth on top of the stairs.  
"There he is!" Sora exclaimed pointing to the one who kidnapped Ariel. The count hissed angrily as he rushes up the stairs and headed into the room Ariel is in now, closing the door on his way in.  
The four quickly run up towards the stairs. Dr. Triton was the first to go up, stepping on Jack and making him yelp. Sora goes next, stepping on the jackass causing him to yelp as well. Danny did the same thing, going up the stairs and making Jack yelp some more. Finally June ran up the stairs, stomping on the fool's balls making him scream like a screaming girl.  
"OH GOD! THAT HURT!" screamed Jack in pain.  
The group got to the door quickly but Sora, trying to open it, finds it locked. The boy yelled, "Damn it, Sephiroth has locked it!"  
Danny is about to try and punch the door down, he stop to think, "Do I break the script? Or do I not? Nah, never break the script," Instead, Danny said to the others, "Break it down, quickly!"  
The four quickly slammed into the door, doing their best to break it open. They got to get in there and saved Ariel before it's too late.

Inside the room, Sephiroth smiled at Ariel who is lying in his coffin. The villain removes the girl's scarf and smiled some more. The time have come, soon this bitch will be his.  
"By the time those fools get in here: they will be too late and you will be my bride for eternity." Sephiroth said to Ariel slyly as he prepares to bite into her neck.  
Outside the door, the group kept on shoving while June yelled, "Come on, keep it up!"  
Dr. Triton comment, "Couldn't you phase through the door and open it from the inside, Dan Helsing?"  
Danny comments, "Sorry. I already tried. This door is ghost-proofed."  
June adds, "And, before anybody thinks to ask, I, TOO, already tried to break down this door. Unfortunately, it's specially shielded against my strength and any of the magical weapons I tried."  
The group continued shoving just as Sephiroth is about to bite into the girl's neck. Danny yelled out, "Keep it up!"  
"Eins, zwei, drei!" yelled Dr. Triton as the group finally break the door now and got into the room just as Sephiroth was about to bite into Ariel's neck but was stopped by the group's intrusion.  
"Hey Danny. Weren't you going to say it since you are in Mel Brooks's role?" June asked her husband puzzled.  
"I thought it would be better if Triton would say it since the guy who voiced him, Kenneth Mars, did say that line in _Young Frankenstein_ and I thought it would make sense if the doctor would say it instead of me." Danny explained to June.  
Sora gets his Keyblade out and charged at Sephiroth but the villain was quick to grab the boy but his arm making Sora cried as he hurts him. Now the count threw Sora into a nearby wall.  
June rip a four-ton stone pillar out of its position in the room and swing it at Sephiroth with great force. At this point, Sephiroth go halfway through the nearest wall, groan and comment, "While I can appreciate that you had to use your super-strength at least again in this parody, I would suggest that you watch it with the ad-libs in the future. If I wasn't as powerful as I am, that would have hurt like the blazes."  
Angrily, Sephiroth grabs a big board and prepared to throw it at his enemies. Dr. Triton cried out, "Sora, duck!" The boy duck but the doctor couldn't in time as the vampire threw the board and hits Dr. Triton, sending the old man to the floor, unconscious.  
Things look desperate. Danny spots something in a pile of rubble and pulls out an old cross. He exclaimed, "June, get the crossbow out!"  
The girl nodded as she gets out a crossbow and put some arrows in. These arrows are special as they are dipped in holy arrow. Dan Helsing has used one of these arrows to kill the bitch Ember and they should do well for Sephiroth!  
"Back!" yelled Dan Helsing as he and June approached Sephiroth with both the cross and the crossbow. The villain hissed and back away in alarm and fear. "Sora, get the stake, get the stake!"  
"Right," Sora said as he uses his Keyblade to break a board apart, giving him one hell of a stake from it.  
"Time we drive that thing in the bastard's heart and send him to Hell!" June exclaimed eagerly as she, Danny, and Sora advanced on the villain.  
"Oh crap!" Sephiroth's shadow yelped in fear as it runs off. The thing doesn't want to be around when its owner's ass is kicked!  
The villain has other ideas however as he angrily grabbed Sora and tossed the boy down. Danny use his ghost howl at some point while June makes use of the crossbow filled with holy water dipped arrow, the combination of the two putting Sephiroth in a lot of pain, but NOT taking him out of the fight.  
The count blast Danny and June across the room with his magic, then say, "That was for killing Plasmius- he owed me fifty bucks!" This caused the cross to break in the progress while June lost the crossbow and holy water dipped arrows.  
Sora yelps as the villain laughed madly before grabbing the boy's stake and break the thing in two. The evil asshole grabs Sora by the throat and hissed evilly, "Arrogant mortal. This is my world now and you are just visiting it! None of you will leave this attic alive, I will destroy every one of you, including Dan Helsing, and I will finally have the one you love the most. You can't stop me, no one can!!!"  
Sephiroth laughed cruelly but suddenly Sora poked him in the eyes making the villain yelp in alarm as he was forced to let the boy go, dropping Sora right onto the floor. Outraged, the vampire stepped on his enemy by the chest, trapping him on the floor.  
"All right, if you want to play like that then watch as your beloved Ariel and I will conjurmade our marriage." Sephiroth hissed evilly. It looks like it's too late. With Dr. Triton out cold, the Helsings seemingly out of weapons, and Sora trapped, there's no one who could stopped Sephiroth now.  
Or so it seems. Just then Danny and June saw daylight pouring out the cracks of a boarded up window nearby. It's morning! The Asian got up quickly just as Sephiroth gets near Ariel, with his foot still on Sora, about to bite into the girl.  
Suddenly June run over to the window and tore some of the boards off, getting more daylight into the room. The daylight shines right on Sephiroth's foot...and is burning it. The villain noticed and screamed in pain as he tried to put the flames out.  
"Ha!" laughed Danny in triumph as he got up and runs over to a chained cord nearby. "Not so great now in the sunlight, eh Sephiroth," The Helsing man quickly pulled the cord causing the blinds near the top of the room to open allowing the sun to pour in.  
Sora managed to get Sephiroth off of him and into the sunlight making the villain yelp some more trying his best to get away but it appears he will never get away in time before the villain is turned into ashes. The asshole is done for!  
Sephiroth sees the dark roof, no sun up there, and quickly turns into his bat form, flying upward.  
"Oh no, stop him!" yelled Sora as he got up and try to catch him to no prevail.  
"He's getting away." exclaimed June trying to grab Sephiroth but the villain was too fast for her to catch.  
"Where is he?" asked Dr. Triton with a groan as he finally woke up. That board frigging hurts.  
"The asshole is up there!" Danny exclaimed as he pointed to Sephiroth who is now sitting on one of the rafters above. "Damn it, we gotta get him or all is lost!"  
"Couldn't you use your halfa powers or monster hunter stuff to get him?" Sora asked Danny.  
"He will just get out of the way!"  
Sephiroth sigh as he lied on a board of the rafter in relief. The villain will stay up there if he has to, at least he is safe from the sunlight. Once night is come, his enemies are frigging dead!  
Suddenly he noticed one of the boards above him opening up as Jack, of all people, peeked in and said, "Master, thank goodness, this way!"  
That proved to be a major mistake as Jack opened the board all the way. Sephiroth scream in terror as sunlight hits him hard. The villain begins to fall down towards the ground as he is smoking big time!  
"Jack Spicer, you asshole!" yelled Sephiroth like a chipmunk before he blew up and turns into dust, falling to the ground.  
Jack chuckle a bit and say, "To paraphrase the rabbit, aren't I a stinker?"  
Sora crack, "How ironic, Spicer. Even though you served the main villain, YOU actually played a key role in his final defeat; ALMOST as if you were the hero."  
Jack snaps, "Oh, shut up! Do you think I LIKE the fact that this script makes me out to be even more of an idiot than I normally am anyway?"  
The Evil Boy Genius closes the board of the roof in sadness, getting back into character sort of, as Sora, Danny, June, and Dr. Triton looks at the remains of Sephiroth. The vampire is gone, the cousin of Plasmius has met his demise.  
"Well, not the demise I would expect, but it will do." Danny said in amazement.  
"At least you didn't turn into a WereWulf this time." June said pointing out how Plasmius was killed.  
"Don't remind me."  
Suddenly Ariel wake up in the coffin and looks confused as she asked, "Oh dear, where am I?"  
The others smiled as they came to her in relief. Sephiroth is gone which means Ariel is now freed from the villains' control.  
"It's alright, Ariel. Sephiroth is gone forever." said Sora happily and in relief.  
"Right and you are freed." June said in agreement.  
"Thank God you are back to the innocent, beautiful Ariel I loved once more."  
"Oh Sora. I thank you for it." said Ariel happily as she hugged Sora while kissing him deeply.  
The Keyblade holder smiled as he lifted his future wife into his arms saying, "Come, Ariel. Let's go home." The lovely couple kissed each other again as they leave the room and on their way to leaving the tower. With Sephiroth now dead, Sora and Ariel has a bright future ahead of both of them.  
Jack soon came into the room looking sadly at the dust that was once Sephiroth. He groaned, "Oh master, master. I'm so sorry, forgive me!" He turn to the camera and comment, "Actually, I'm GLAD I was able to get in the final blow against him in such an ironic manner. That was the ONLY part of the script I actually LIKED. Still, the script calls for me to be acting sad and grieving right now, so let's get back to it and get this mess over with."  
Jack then goes back into character and get a dust pan from nearby. Using it, he scooped up the dust, putting it on a board. The dumbass then put the dust on a board into Sephiroth's coffin. Then carefully, Jack uses his fingers to make a face that smile in the dust as if trying to restore the dead vampire back to normal.  
"There, there, you're looking like your old self again." said Jack madly as he closes the coffin. Soon, very soon."  
"Uh, Jack? Your master is gone forever." Dr. Triton said pointing that out to Jack. "You are your own man now, no longer under his control."  
Jack happily comment, "Oh, I've been aware of that for a while, but I had to stick to the script. Actually, this is my favorite part of the whole parody since One: It allowed me to get in some payback for all the humiliation and abuse I took throughout the entire parody while still staying in character and Two: This is MY last scene in this parody. Still, the script IS the script."  
"No one will ever control you again, I assured you."  
"Hey, you're right, damn it, you're right!"  
"Well, come, Jack Spicer." Dr. Triton said as he turns to head out of the room.  
"Yes, master." said Jack madly as he followed the asylum doctor like a madman. Hey, the Evil Boy Genius has got used to being a minion of someone, why change now?  
Dr. Triton and Jack leaves the room, leaving the Helsings with the coffin holding Sephiroth's remains. Dan Helsing himself is dusting off his hat and cape as he is about to make his leave. Before he goes, the halfa looks back at the coffin. Then with a mischievous grin, Danny opens the coffin and yelled at the remains of Sephiroth in it, "Pushta!" He closed the coffin in triumph and amusement.  
"Having the last word, Danny? Who do you think you are; Timmy Turner?" June teases her husband.  
"Sorry. You know, it's your fault; you got me to use that whenever we argue. I always get to say the last word." Danny points out to his wife.  
"Yep...'Yes, Honey.'" June giggles and they finally leave.

**"Starring..."**

**"George Newbern as Sephiroth"**

**"Danny Cooksey as Jack Spicer"**

**"Haley Joel Osment as Sora"**

**"Jodi Benson as Ariel"**

**"Mena Suvari as Aerith Gainsborough"**

**"Kenneth Mars as Dr. Triton"**

**"And Eric Roberts and Lara Jill Miller as Dan 'Danny' Helsing and Juniper 'June' Lee Helsing"**

Back in the village in Toonsylvania following the final battle, Chuckie comment "Ever since Sephiroth left the castle, there has been wild parties going on there every blasted night."  
Angelica adds, "True, but on the brighter side, that 'Vampire Girls Gone Wild' video we managed to get off of one of those parties has been rather profitable for this village. Admittedly, we had to split the profits fifty-fifty with the vampire girls AND find a cameraman horny enough to risk getting turned into a vampire himself for a shot at getting laid, but this village still hasn't been in better shape in quite a while."  
"Oh hell yeah!"

After the parody is over, Jack met up with Bowser and comment, "Hey there, Bowser. Forgive the intrusion, but I couldn't help but remember that you owe me money off that bet you lost."  
Bowser hands him, up front, a good-sized bag of gold and replies, "There it is. It's all there. Believe me, I don't want to chance you breaking out your Shen Gon Wu arsenal to beat the pee out of me before shooting me in both my knees and lighting me on fire JUST because I was a little slow about paying back money I owed you. I've SEEN those Family Guy clips on YouTube. And, in this regard, I'm actually going to be smarter than Brian was."

The End

Author's note  
All right, my parody is finally done! Hell, did everyone enjoyed it?

Sora: I did, I got Ariel back and life is good!

Ariel: (giggling) Oh Sora...

Danny: Also, we got rid of Plasmius's cousin, in this parody anyway, saved the world from another evil ass vampire, and made another Mel Brooks parody of a parody. And I finally got the last word!

Sephiroth's Voice: (darkly) Sylvania...ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Danny: (pissed off) Goddamn it! Even in death, he mocks me!!

(June giggles as she kissed her boyfriend, calming him down)

Me: Well folks, that is it for this new parody of a Mel Brooks movie. I hope you all enjoyed what we did and have to go through, especially Jack.

Jack: (annoyed) Oh shut up.

Me: For everyone here, thanks for reason.

All: Read and review!

Dr. Triton's shooting at Sora's foot and saying 'head them off at the pass? I HATE that cliche' is referencing the fact that Harvey Korman, who played Doctor Seward in the actual movie, ALSO played Hedley Lamarr in Mel Brooks's 'Blazing Saddles'.

It's true. Kenneth Mars, who voiced Triton in the Little Mermaid films, did say the 'eins, zwei, drei' line (that Mel Brooks said in the parody this story is parodying) in _Young Frankenstein_.


End file.
